Down By The Lakeside
by mango-melone
Summary: The new year does not start promising for Lily Evans. With dark wizards rising and friendships failing she feels more alone than ever. One night, she meets a mysterious stag down at the Black Lake and starts to confide in him, realizing that talking to him helps her cope. James, meanwhile, is torn between a bad conscience and a unique opportunity to win over the girl he loves.
1. Fathers' Talk

**Hello and welcome to my story :)**

 **This will be a rather long one (about 60 chapters written so far), so be aware that the plot will move slowly at first.**

 **I hope you enjoy it :)**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own the world of Harry Potter or any of its characters.**

* * *

 **Fathers' Tales**

 _RESULTS OF THE OWL EXAMINATION_

 _Passing grades:_

 _Outstanding (O)_

 _Exceeds Expectations (E)_

 _Acceptable (A)_

 _Failing Grades_

 _Poor (P)  
Dreadful (D)_

 _Troll (T)_

 _LILY EVANS has achieved the following grads:_

 _Study of Ancient Runes: O_

 _Arithmancy: E_

 _Astronomy: E_

 _Charms: O_

 _Defence Against the Dark Arts: O_

 _Herbology: O_

 _History of Magic: O_

 _Muggle Studies: O_

 _Potions: O_

 _Transfiguration: E_

"Merlin! Those are excellent grades, darling!"

Her father's voice tore Lily from the contemplation of her OWL results, and she turned around to the thickset man curiously looking over her shoulder. She smiled. "Yeah." Slightly embarrassed, she lowered the parchment to the table.

She felt as if a huge weight had just been lifted from her shoulders. Obviously she had never expected to fail her OWLs, but knowing for certain that she hadn't was still a relief. She was actually a NEWT student now! _  
_"So which are the subjects you'll keep?" her father asked, sitting back on his own chair.

Lily leant back, stretching her legs. "Dunno," she muttered thoughtfully, watching her father tear a piece off his scone and holding it out to the school owl still perched on the kitchen table, ignoring Petunia's disapproving glance.

Lily felt herself smile once more. John Evans was a small, rather round man with a receding hairline and a cheerful face. He loved anything magic and spent every summer questioning his youngest daughter about her world. The wizarding mail system especially had captured his heart.

Unlike Petunia's. "Do you have to feed it?" she interrupted impatiently, frowning. "Those things are disgusting enough without keeping them in the house even longer." She had just been telling them about her new boyfriend when the letter from Hogwarts had arrived, and thus was rather annoyed at having been forgotten at its arrival.

To avoid further arguments Lily quickly got to her feet, gently coaxed the owl on her arm and carried it over to the window, having to supress a grin at the disappointed look on her father's face.

Petunia gave a satisfied snort. Anyway. As I was saying, Vernon is-"

But that was as far as she got, for as Lily sat back down at the table her father was already scrutinizing the OWL results once more. "You'll keep Potions, won't you?" he asked, apparently completely oblivious to his eldest daughte'rs attempts at gaining his attention. "That was this professor who's so fond of you, wasn't it?"

Lily nodded, also looking over her exams. She knew she should feel bad about stealing Petunia's thunder, but after having listened to her tales of this Vernon Dursley for five minutes already she really couldn't muster up any regret. "Professor Slughorn, yes. History too, of course, although I'll probably be on my own in that class."

Her father giggled. "The boring ghost?" She nodded once more, also grinning.

There was no denying it, Professor Binns was not exactly selling his subject well. But Lily had always had a fondness for history, the ancient Greeks, Romans, the middle ages – and of course their stories and myths. Perseus on his winged horse, Odin and his ravens, Kind Arthur... When she turned eleven, a large part of them had suddenly come true, but that had not diminished her fascination in the slightest. On the contrary, suddenly she had found a whole new perspective on history.

No, Lily treasured the subject. And Professor Binns wasn't _that_ bad, once one got used to his style of teaching. His sheer infinite knowledge impressed her. He went all his lessons without opening a book or even looking at some notes, effortlessly reeling off names and dates. She was pretty certain there was no person – alive or dead – who knew more about history than Binns.

Petunia, evidently fed up with the talk about Hogwarts, started to simply talk over them. "Vernon just got promoted. He's head of marketing now."

"What about muggle studies? If you don't, can I have your book? It's bloody hilarious!"

"Don't think I will, they only ask for an OWL at the ministry, and it's not like I actually learn anything...go ahead, if you enjoy reading about public transport."

"And he's taking me out to dinner this weekend. To Pricket's!"

"It's the comparisons they do. _Owl against Royal Mail – who's fastest?_ That was a great chapter!"

"It's that really fancy place down at the park. Very posh!"

"I'll drop Arithmancy as well, I'd need an O for that. It's only curse breakers who need it anyway."  
"But you'll keep Transfiguration? You promised to turn my boss's mutt into a rat when you're of age."

"They have film stars going there, and millionaires and such."

"Dad! That was four years ago. I'm not allowed to, even when I'm seventeen. And it's not like there's a lot missing anyway, is there?"

"And I'm pregnant."

"WHAT?"

In an instant, the topic of Transfiguration was forgotten, as John Evans stared at his oldest daughter in open horror.

Petunia made a face. "Just seeing if you're even listening to what I'm saying," she said sourly, angrily rising to her feet.

Her father watched her stomp up the stairs with a sigh, and Lily swallowed, suddenly feeling very wretched. "Sorry."

But Mr Evans simply shrugged. "Leave her. I've spent the last month listening to her swooning over that Dursley of hers. I even tried to act like I care! She can't complain, really."

Still feeling guilty, Lily couldn't keep from laughing. She could only imagine the agony her father had been in. "Let's hope Mum will be back soon," she grinned.

Susan Evans was visiting relatives in the States and would only be back two days before Lily's departure to Hogwarts. Lily had been disappointed about barely getting so see her mother that summer, but it had turned out to be great fun just spending time with her Dad and mocking Petunia behind her back.

Of course she felt bad about excluding her sister like that, but after all Petunia got to spent all year with their parents.

"So-" her father grinned, extracting another piece of parchment from the envelope. It was the book list. "When are we going to Diagon Alley?" His eyes shown with so much anticipation it made Lily laugh again.

Few students her age had their parents accompany them to buy their school supplies, preferring to go with their friends. But Lily could never bring herself to deny her father the visit he was looking forward to all year.

Besides, she had barely gotten word from her friends this summer. Miranda had been in Norway with her parents for most of July, and now there was a sick relative she had to take care of, Val had, predictably, found a new boyfriend that she was now apparently glued to, and Sev...well, their friendship had pretty much dissolved last year.

She quickly banished the thoughts of him. "Tomorrow, if you'd like to," she said, feeling some of his eagerness rub off on her. It would be good to return to the wizarding world, if only for a day.

"Oh, look! _Dragons and how to Tame them_!" her father exclaimed enthusiastically, reading from the book list. "I'll definitely want to borrow _that_!"

Following his gaze, Lily shook her head. "That's for Care of Magical Creatures, I didn't take that."

"Oh," Mr Evans made, rather disappointed. Then, he turned towards her with a frown. "Why not? It sounds great! You could've brought me a magical bunny or something like that."

Lily sighed. "I don't think those exists..." she muttered. Maybe tomorrow would get slightly more exhausting than she had hoped.

* * *

 _JAMES FLEAMONT POTTER has achieved the following grads:_

 _Arithmancy: P_

 _Astronomy: D_

 _Care of Magical Creatures: E_

 _Charms: E_

 _Defence Against the Dark Arts: O_

 _Divination: P_

 _Herbology: A_

 _History of Magic: P_

 _Potions: E_

 _Transfiguration: O_

 _SIRIUS ORION BLACK has achieved the following grads:_

 _Astronomy: A_

 _Care of Magical Creatures: E_

 _Charms: E_

 _Defence Against the Dark Arts: O_

 _Divination: T_

 _Herbology: D_

 _History of Magic: T_

 _Potions: A_

 _Transfiguration: E_

"Gotcha!" Sirius grinned after looking over James' grades, smugly leaning back in his chair. "I won." He shook his head in mock disappointment. "Pathetic, Prongs. Just pathetic."

James sighed, unhappily staring at his results. "I poured _tea_ over her robes and she still gives me a P?" he grumbled, "What else was I supposed to do for a T? Predict her death?"

His friend shrugged. "That'd probably have earned you a D; they dig that morbid shit. I think she just fancied you."

As if on its own accord, James' hand shot towards his hair. "You think?" he wondered.

But Sirius simply shrugged again. "Who cares. I won, and you owe me a Butterbeer."

James ignored him, still rather puzzled by his grades. "I didn't remember a thing in history; I simply made that shit up. Why's there a P?"

Sirius laughed. "You're that big a deal, even your fantasies are reality," he said dryly, before rising to his feet and patting his friend's back. "Don't take it too harshly. You'll certainly be worse than Moony."

"Hmpf," James made, still feeling very disgruntled. "He wasn't trying to get Ts, though." His gaze fell on Sirius' own letter, and immediately his mood brightened. "At least I didn't pass Astronomy," he pointed out gleefully, "You got more OWLs than me. Swot."

" _What?_ " Aghast, Sirius pulled the parchment towards him. "I...I did," he muttered incredulously, paling. "What in Merlin's – I drew my _family tree_ on that star chart!"

James collapsed on his seat with laughter. Sirius absolutely detested Astronomy, for the sole reason that it constantly reminded him of his family. Pretty much all Blacks were named after stars or constellations, and he hated having to spent whole nights just searching for one or the other loathed relative.

The door opened and James's mother entered, silencing both boys in an instance. But Mrs Potter had already heard them. "There's no reason at all to pride yourself on a fail grade, James," she hissed angrily, fixating her son with furious eyes. Even though she was barely over five feet, her son quickly stepped back a few paces. Sirius, too, tried to inconspicuously merge with the background. To no avail. "And least of all Ts!" she spat, whirling around to the Black heir.

Sirius had moved in with the Potters last summer, and Euphemia had taken him as her own. Usually, Sirius loved her for it, but today he obviously wished she wouldn't have been quite so warm in her welcome.

" _Five_ OWLs, James! That's a disgrace, your father achieved eight! And you're no better, Sirius. Ts? Do you think education is some sort of joke? I really don't know what will become of you!"

James swallowed. "I did get two Os, though," he pointed out, in a desperate bid to placate his mother. It didn't work.

"And you could have gotten a great deal more, young man," his mother hissed, still staring at him with cold fury. "What will your father-"

At that moment, said father entered the room, realized what was happening, and soundlessly retreated, completely ignoring the boys' silent cries for help.

His wife hadn't missed it, though. "Fleamont Potter," she warned, and a few seconds later he came shuffling back into the room, looking rather unenthusiastic about it. Under his wife's expectant look, he reluctantly put a stern expression on his face, turning to the two teenagers.

"I expected more of you, boys," he began, rather unconvincingly, and immediately fell silent again when he realized he didn't actually know what else to say.

Euphemia snorted, evidently still angry. "You'll have to do better if you want to have any hopes of becoming an Auror, James," she said, standing beside her husband.

James rolled his eyes. _Not this talk again._ "Well, I don't," he said stubbornly, "I'll become a Quidditch player."

"That's not a job, James, that's a hobby! And anyway, your father was an Auror, so you'll be one, too. Period." She stomped out of the room.

James snorted, falling down on the sofa next to Sirius. "Thanks for the help," he grumbled."

His friend merely grinned. "I inherited; I'm out of this job business," he said with a shrug, lifting one of Euphemia's cats up in his lap and scratching it behind the ears.

James' mother loved cats, and, evidently having decided to thoroughly comply with that part of the muggle stereotype of a witch, owned not one but four of them. It was one of the reasons owls only reluctantly came to the Potter home – some of them never returned. There was Hades, an enormous black tom, Artemis and Aphrodite, two grey tabby cats, and Apollo, a tiny ginger tom who usually got chased by Hades through one or the other room.

James always wondered why it was Sirius of all people who got along with the cats so well, but somehow he had managed to win their friendship, and even in his animagus form Sirius and Hades got along so well it sometimes made James almost jealous.

He himself had never been a great fan of his mother's pets, not least because it was they who were responsible for his first owl's demise. It was true, the poor bird had been rather old and barely able to fly, but James hadn't forgiven them, even after three years. It had, of course, been Hades who had killed the owl.

Sullenly, he watched the fat black tom stretching on Sirius' lap, evidently very much enjoying his current position. _Stupid furball._

It didn't help his mood when his father returned to the dreaded topic of his future. "Just take a few subjects that you'll need for Auror training, that'll calm her," he advised, looking over their exam results with a frown, "And you'll have more options should you change your mind at some point."

James made a face. Aurors were required to have a NEWT in potions. He had rather hoped to be rid of Slughorn after last year.

"It's not a bad job, James," his father continued, apparently reading his son's face correctly.

Sirius huffed. "Yeah, but it doesn't exactly make you prettier, does it?" he grinned, demonstratively looking Mr Potter down.

He had a point. His job had not left Fleamont Potter's body without marks. One of his legs was stiff, his back always ached, and his face was crossed by deep scars. His once black hair was almost completely white, even though he was by no means an old man. His declining health had forced him into retirement despite his age, a fate many of his colleagues shared.

He didn't take offence at Sirius' comment. "Maybe not, but it gets you a lot of attention from the ladies." He winked at his adopted son, before adding, with mock regret: "Not at my age, that is. Nowadays all they do is offer to help me cross the road."

He and Sirius laughed, but James still felt grumpy. "But I don't want to take potions," he muttered sourly. "Why doesn't Sirius have to become an Auror?"

"'Cos I only got an A and Slughorn wouldn't let me into his class," his friend explained smugly, poking his tongue at him. "Your own fault, really. If you hadn't tried so hard to impress Evans, you wouldn't be in this mess now."

James froze. Evans. Why hadn't he thought of that? Evans loved potions; she'd definitely take the class. Suddenly, the prospect of Slughorn didn't seem quite so terrible.

"What's gotten into him now?

James twitched, realizing that he had spent the last minutes blankly staring out of the window, more and more wonderful – and absurd – scenarios playing in his head. "Err..."

He tried to come up with an explanation, but Sirius merely gave lazy wave. "He realized that his beloved Evans will be in that class," he explained, sounding rather bored, "If Euphemia really wants to make really sure he becomes an Auror, she should just pay Evans to apply as well. He'd be in there in a heartbeat." Laughing, he left the room to go and help Euphemia with dinner, ignoring the daggers James stared after him.

For a while, the living room was silent.

"Still into her then, huh?" Fleamont finally said, throwing a sympathetic glance to his son.

James shrugged, feeling hopeless. "Yeah...I don't know what I'm doing wrong," he muttered, staring at his feet. Outside of his fantasy world, things with Evans looked less than rosy.

His father was still looking at him, a thoughtful frown between his eyes. "Are you sure you're not just going after her because she's turning you down? Just so you can prove something to yourself?"

Defiantly, James raised his head. "No," he snapped.

There had been a time when that statement might have been true – and for a long time, that was exactly the picture he had painted for his friends, claiming it was a challenge, a game. Because it had been too embarrassing to admit that he really did have a crush on Evans. That he was lying awake at night, thinking about her, that he was looking for her red hair every morning he entered the Great Hall. That he kept imagining what it would be like to hold her, to kiss her... He huffed, turning away from his father.

"You know," Fleamont started after another stretch of silence, "I had a terrible crush on a girl once, too." James inwardly groaned, not the slightest bit interested in whatever stupid tale his father had come up with. "Her name was Miriam Crowpike. She was a Ravenclaw from my year, and I was hopelessly in love with her. I kept trailing after her, feeling horrible whenever she would go out with another boy. I was completely convinced that I could never love anybody else, that she was the only one who could make my life whole."

James sighed, pretty certain he didn't like where this was going. If he had heard, his father ignored him.

"But she wouldn't even look twice as me. And when we left Hogwarts, I was devastated. She went abroad, and I never saw her again."

"Cool story, Dad," James muttered, feeling his patience run out. Sadly, his father wasn't done yet.

"But I got over it. With her gone, I could actually see other woman. Your mother, for example." He smiled. "Don't even remember what Miriam looked like."

Realizing what his father was trying to tell him, James felt anger rise in him. "Evans isn't Crowpike, and I'm not you," he snapped, jumping to his feet.

But before he could storm out, his father grabbed his arm, holding him back. "That's not was I was trying to say. I was just trying to tell you that life doesn't always go the way we expect it to. If you love her, and she'll come to feel the same about you at some point, then that will be wonderful. But if not, if she doesn't love you, it won't be the end of the world."

His mother called them to dinner, saving James from having to reply.

Following his father, James couldn't help but replay what he had just heard.

 _And when we left Hogwarts, I was devastated. She went abroad, and I never saw her again._

 _Never saw her again._

He felt dread pool in his stomach. What if the same would happen to him and Evans? What if she also left and he would lose her? He knew his parents loved each other, and that Fleamont was happy with his wife.

But he still couldn't imagine loving anybody else besides Evans.

Slowly, he started moving again. Two years. He had two years to win over the love of his life.

* * *

 **That's it for now.** **  
**

 **The next chapter is already done; I'll try and update on Saturday or Sunday. In the meantime, why don't you leave a review to tell me what you think? :)**


	2. The Art of Conversation

**The Art of Conversation**

They were almost fifteen minutes early when they stepped through the barrier. Lily's father had urged them all to hurry so he wouldn't miss any spectacular sights, and finally her mother had given up on trying to convince Petunia to come along. Now the three of them were standing on the rather empty platform, looking around.

As expected, none of Lily's friends had arrived yet, so she decided to deposit her trunk in one of the empty compartments and returned to her parents. In her short absence the crowd had grown significantly, making it hard to find them. When she finally did make them out she stopped dead, not quite believing her eyes.

 _That's definitely not the first classmate I want to see._

"Potter," she growled once she had regained her composure, stepping behind the black-haired boy who was talking animatedly to her parents. What the hell was he doing here?

Potter turned around, his face immediately splitting into a broad grin as he saw her. "Evans! Lovely to see you again. Nice holidays, I hope?"

 _Very nice, given I didn't have to see your stupid face for two months._

The words were on her tongue, but then she remembered her parents were present, casting interested glances between the two teenagers. "Yes," she grumbled without looking at him, hoping he would take the hint and leave.

He did not, and to make matters worse Black appeared behind him, the same stupid grin on his face as Potter. "Well, Prongs, getting aquatinted with the future parents-in-law, I see?"

Lily froze. Had the prick really just said that? In front of her _parents_?

Even Potter appeared annoyed. "Shut it, Padfoot," he growled, colour flooding his cheeks. His face very red, he said his – surprisingly polite – good-byes to Lily's parents and vanished between the crowd, dragging Black with him.

Lily stared after them angrily. They hadn't even boarded the trains and those assholes had already managed to piss her off. _If the rest of the year is the same, I should probably just stay here..._

Only then did she notice the curious glances her parents were giving her. "Lily, are you and that young man-"

"No!" she interrupted her mother, horrified, and quickly added: "He's _not_ my boyfriend. He just wishes he were." The idea alone... She shuddered.

"Oh," her Mum made, looking towards the train where Potter and Black had just vanished with something that bordered worryingly close on disappointment. "What a shame. He seemed very charming."

Lily stared at her, feeling horror rise. Had Potter actually tried to suck up to her parents? And _succeeded?_ To make matters worse, her father actually chimed in now. "Well, you never now...maybe you'll change your mind." Before Lily could explain to him just exactly how unlikely _that_ scenario was he had already turned around, staring after a middle-aged witch with a stuffed ferret on her hat.

She realized that she had lost and returned to looking for her friends. She could actually make out Miranda, but unfortunately she was hanging on Black's arm, and after his show just now Lily really didn't feel like seeing him up close again.

It had come rather as a shock to her when her best friend had started dating the – in Lily's opinion – second dumbest guy in the whole school last June, and she had rather hoped the two of them would break up over the holidays. But it looked like Black had chosen her of all people to break his streak of short-lived flings and decided to actually stick to one girl for more than a week.

 _Well, if he makes her happy..._

She also saw Severus, and had to keep her mother from going over to say hello. She hadn't explained to her parents the reason for the rather abrupt end to their friendship, and she didn't want to risk them finding out. There was no need for her parents to know just how intolerant the wizarding world had grown towards people like her, and she definitely didn't want them to know about the increasing violence. Luckily, her mother seemed to assume the reason for their separation was of a romantic nature, and didn't pry, leaving Lily to observe Severus from a distance.

He had come on his own, which wasn't surprising, but was immediately greeted by his friends in Slytherin. Feeling rather bitter, Lily watched them go. There had been an increasing distance between her and Severus last year, even before he insulted her, and she had no idea what he and his friends got up to. But she didn't need a Divination OWL to know that it was dark magic. And that Severus was proud of it.

Feeling bile rise up, she turned away. It was almost eleven, so she said her good-byes to her parents, promised to write as soon as she had arrived ("Can you take a barn owl? I love those!"), and boarded the train. She didn't bother with trying to find Miranda or Val, but instead headed directly towards the front of the train and the prefect compartment. She was rather early, and the only other person was a Ravenclaw fifth year she didn't know.

"Hello," Lily said, smiling, "I'm-"

"Lily Evans," the Ravenclaw finished, shaking her hand with a grin. "James Potter's girlfriend."

Lily's arm shot back as if stung. "What!?"

The Ravenclaw's grin broadened, and she winked at Lily conspiratorially. "Don't worry, I won't tell. Don't wanna spill you _secret_ , do we?" At the word secret, she drew quotation marks into the air.

Lily struggled to form words. "Our sec- _what_?" she repeated, completely perplexed. "I'm not his girlfriend!" Suddenly a suspicion rose in her. "Is that was he's been telling people?" she asked, feeling fury rise in her. That insufferable-

The grin wavered for the first time, and the other girl frowned. "Wait a sec... you're not actually dating? That whole fighting act is real?"

Lily stared at her. "YES!" she cried, exasperated. "What the hell did you think?"

The Ravenclaw seemed to shrink in her seat. Judging by the expression on her face, Lily had just shattered her whole world view. "But..." she shook her head, looking utterly lost. "I was quite sure, you know? And I wasn't the only one...so you _really_ aren't dating? I swear I won't tell anybody!"

Lily sat down, firmly shaking her head. Was this girl mad? Who had made her a prefect?

"Oh," the Ravenclaw muttered dejectedly. "It's just, we thought, what with all the yelling, and the constant asking – and it's been going on for four years now! – that it couldn't possibly be real. I mean, who is that persistent? Pretty much everyone in Ravenclaw thinks you're secretly together and are just doing this show for fun."

Lily stared at her incredulously, trying to wrap her mind around what she had just heard. "And here I was thinking Ravenclaw was the intelligent house," she finally muttered.

The other girl laughed at that. "Sorry," she said, and, after short pause, "Merlin. That means Potter is even more pathetic than I thought." With that, she held her hand out once more. "I'm Emily, by the way. Emily Grapes."

Lily decided that she liked Emily. The Ravenclaw had short, dark brown hair whose tips were, for some reason, dyed green. Together with her round face and her dark eyes it gave her the air of a forest gnome in one of Lily's old children's books.

Before she had the chance to inquire after further rumours from the Ravenclaw tower two Slytherins entered t, looking them over in disgust and sitting down as far away from them as possible. Lily immediately felt her annoyance at Potter ebb away, as sadness once more engulfed her. Hogwarts. Where a large part of the student body despised her for who her parents were. Home sweet home.

The meeting ended a lot sooner than Lily had hoped. As it turned out, this year's Head Boy and Girl – Frank Longbottom from Gryffindor and Mafalda Hopkirk from Hufflepuff – were more competent than those from last year, and had organized the patrol schedule already, meaning that Lily found herself on her way back after just one hour. Not being able to find Val or Miranda she walked back towards the compartment she had deposited her trunk in.

After a few steps she realized she was being followed. She turned around, her irritation growing as she saw who it was. Was this another stupid trick by Potter? "Can I help you?" she asked, not really bothering to keep the annoyance out of her voice.

Lupin paused, arching a surprised eyebrow. "Uhm...I think I'll find the way myself, thanks you," he said politely, his amused eyes mocking her anger, "this being the train, the opportunities to get lost are rather limited."

Lily felt herself blush. How did she constantly manage to put herself in these embarrassing situations? And why was she so suspicious? Lupin was a prefect – a rather bad one, granted, but he probably wouldn't stoop so low as to spy on her for his friend.

Without another word she stormed, off, wrenching open the door to her compartment – and stumbling back in shock.

For a moment it was silence, as all three occupants stared at her. Black was the first to recover.

* * *

"Evans!" Sirius cried cheerfully, spreading his arms. "How thoughtful of you to visit us. Prongs has been missing you terribly all summer."

"Shut up, Padfoot," James hissed automatically, not taking his eyes of Evans, who was still standing in the door, looking stunned. Remus appeared behind her, a mixture of worry and amusement on his face.

Finally, Evans moved. "What are you doing here? This is my compartment." Her voice was acid, and her green eyes blazed with anger. Apparently her opinion of the Marauders hadn't changed much over the summer. And she probably hadn't forgotten the scene at the platform, either...

Sirius was unimpressed. " _Your_ compartment?" he laughed. "What, does it have your name on it or something?"

Evans' head whirled around, and James thought he saw his friend flinch a little when the hateful glare met him. "Yes," she snapped. "On my trunk." She pointed over their heads, pointing at the suitcase that was half-hidden under Peter's. Coming in they had thought it some forgotten piece of luggage from last year, but now that he looked closer James could actually see the tiny _L.E._ imprinted on one side.

 _Fuck. How did we not see that?_

"So what?" Sirius snorted, turning back towards the red-haired witch. "Doesn't mean you own the place, does it? In case you hadn't noticed, you're not the only one on the train. And you're certainly not the centre of the universe." Grinning, he added: "Except for Prongs, obviously."

James had to fight very hard not to hex his friend. Taking a deep breath, he said, as neutral as he could manage: "I'm sorry, Evans, we didn't know you were sitting here."

Sirius looked annoyed at his meek response, but luckily Remus stepped in. "He's right. But the train really is quite crowded, and there's enough room for all of us in here, so..."

James felt his heart beat faster. Evans...in their compartment?

Sirius groaned, while Evans didn't look very happy either. But to James' surprise – and considerable excitement – she accepted her fate, sitting down next to the door as far away from the rest of them as possible.

James had to fight the instinct to make some sort of inappropriate comment, afraid she would change her mind should he piss her off even more. _Two years._ He threw a warning glance towards Sirius, desperately hoping his friend would pull himself together. The scene at the platform did not fill him with much hope.

But the other boy simply rolled his eyes and turned towards Remus, apparently deciding to ignore Evans. "So who're the new Heads then?" he asked, lazily stretching his legs, "Same type of morons as last year?"

There was a disgusted snort coming from Evans, as she pulled a book from her back and demonstratively vanished behind it. She obviously planned on ignoring them as well.

"Hate to disappoint you, but these guys actually seem competent," Remus said, sitting down next to Peter and opening his Daily Prophet. "Longbottom from us, and some Hufflepuff. Hoptirp or something." He shrugged. "Better than Slytherins, I guess."

Sirius nodded, frowning thoughtfully. "Shame. I quite liked Frank. He won't be half as much fun to hex as that bootlicker from last year."

There was another snort from behind the book, making James flinch. He turned to his friends. "Guys, can we maybe talk about something else?" he asked, feeling annoyed and anxious at the same time.

It couldn't be _that_ hard to make a good impression on Evans, could it? Or at least not make her hate him even more?

 _You're safe on that front, mate. She already hates you a hundred per cent._

Ignoring Sirius' and Remus' surprised looks, he turned to Peter. "What subjects are you keeping, Wormtail?"

The other boy flinched, evidently not expecting to be the centre of attention, and definitely not comfortable with the tense atmosphere. "Uhm...Care of Magical Creatures, DADA, Transfiguration, Herbology, and Astronomy," he muttered, looking at the floor.

Sirius laughed. "Astronomy? Seriously?"

"I only got an A in Charms," Peter mumbled, looking downcast.

Remus, always one to mediate between the two of them, boxed his arm, snorting. "The only reason you can't stand Astronomy is because you're related to basically all of it," he said, earning him laughter from the others.

Gradually, James managed to relax as well, blocking Evans' presence from his mind.

 _Just stay cool._

"Don't tell me you're doing Astronomy as well," he grinned, pointing at Remus. "Didn't you hand in that really... _interesting_ essay on Uranus last year? Sinistra wouldn't even let you in her NEWT class with an O."

Remus scowled. "Padfoot wrote that. And may I remind you that you're the only one here who failed it?" But he was also grinning. It _had_ been funny to watch Sinistra read that...

"Yes," Sirius nodded sombrely, "And I do feel very much ashamed for that...the passing, I mean. That essay is without question the greatest piece I have ever written."

"What about you, Moony?" James asked, earnestly curious. They had discussed their OWL results when Remus and Peter had been over, but in front of his mother James had deemed it safer not to talk about what NEWT classes they would take.

Remus shrugged. "I'll see. Transfiguration, Charms and DADA, obviously, Care of Magical Creatures, too. Maybe Arithmancy. You need it for curse-breaking, and goblins are more..." He stopped when he remembered they weren't alone. "Well, you know," he muttered, quieter. "I'll have better chances with them than the ministry."

James nodded, feeling sympathy well up for his friend. He knew that Remus would have loved to become an Auror. But lycanthropes weren't exactly welcome there, or anywhere in the ministry at that. Curse-Breakers on the other hand were mostly employed by Gringotts, and goblins, themselves no strangers to unfair discrimination, were more likely to accept his condition. That, and they simply didn't care, given that lycantrophy was only transferable to humans.

Suddenly, another voice chimed in. "You got an O in Arithmancy?"

Four heads turned in surprise, finding Evans staring at Remus intently, any hint of anger vanished from her eyes.

Remus shifted uncomfortably on his seat. "Err...yes?" he answered, looking rather confused.

"Wow," Evans made, visibly impressed. "Not bad." Then, realizing the attention, she blushed. "I...uhm...not many people manage, and you guys...well..."

Sirius interrupted her stuttering with a broad grin. "Didn't think Moony could do it, did ya?" he asked, sounding terribly smug. "We're not that dim, Evans...Well, 'cept for Wormy maybe."

"Oi!"

Sirius ignored him. "Prongs here has two Os. And Moony's got _four_!"

James stared at his friend, not quite believing what he was hearing. What in Merlin's name was Sirius doing? Was he actually trying to boast in front of Evans with good grades? _Evans_?

Remus appeared to have similar thoughts. "Err...Padfoot? I'm pretty sure she has better grades than us."

Sirius huffed. "No way. She spends all day yelling at us, how can she have time to study?"

Evans glared at him, but instead of snapping at them she simply smiled. "Seven," she announced, with an unmistakable hint of smugness in her voice.

Peter yelped, apparently unable to grasp how someone could be this smart, and even Remus looked impressed.

"Congratulations," he said, his tone friendly. "I'm assuming you're the best on our year, then."

Evans looked pleased at that, returning the smile. "I messed up Transfiguration," she admitted, actually looking disappointed.

"You failed?"

Evans blushed even more. "No, I got an E. I just know I could've done better," she muttered, so quietly that James had trouble making out the words.

"You got an E and you're sad about that?" Sirius exclaimed incredulously, shaking his head before turning to James. "Merlin's balls. Good thing she keeps turning you down, Prongs. I don't want us spending the rest of our lives in the library."

James felt his face heat up. "Shut up, Padfoot," he growled for the second but probably not last time during their journey.

As expected, Sirius comment had made Evans disappear behind her book once more, and for the remainder of the way she steadfastly ignored them. But despite that, James felt a glimmer of hope rise in his chest.

For the first time he had actually had something resembling a conversation with Evans. To be fair, it had been a rather short exchange, and technically he hadn't actually said anything himself, but it had been a conversation nonetheless. One that Evans herself had stared, even.

 _Two years._

Maybe he could actually make it.


	3. Friendship Lost

**Thanks to all those who reviewed! I'm glad to see some familiar faces (or usernames, rather) :)**

 **Skybox: I think you are right about the grades, though in my opinion there's a difference. Unlike James and Sirius, Fred and George actually _did_ have a plan. They were going to start a busuiness - already had, actually, and quite sucessful at that - for which they didn't need good grades, or qualifications at all. James and Sirius, on the other hand, don't feel like they have to worry about the future at all, because that's how great they are. (Or something. They will become less arrogant as the story goes along, don't worry)**

 **alix33: Good point about the comparison to Mr Weasley, I hadn't even thought of that. It's a shame the two of them won't ever meet; they'd have a great time together XD**

* * *

 **Friendship Lost**

Relief flooded Lily when the train finally rolled into the station, the familiar lights appearing in the darkness outside. She didn't think her nerves would survive another hour in this compartment, despite her best attempts to distract herself with her book, and later, Remus' newspaper. As expected, the Marauders had not gotten one bit more intelligent over the summer.

Without waiting for the train to even stop she jumped to her feet and fled from the compartment, ignoring the "Nice having you, Evans!" Potter called after her.

As she made her way towards the carriages she finally caught glimpse of Val, who was just saying good-bye to some Hufflepuff. Rolling her eyes at the scene and unable to supress her annoyance, Lily stepped behind her. "Where were you? I've been looking all over the train for you!"

Val let out a shriek of excitement and flung her arms around her, evidently not the least bothered by the tone. "Lily! It's so great to see you again! I was with Gavin." She gazed longingly after the Hufflepuff, who was now shuffling towards the carriage with his friends, making Lily's alarm bells ring. Just another prat who'd break her friend's heart after two weeks.

"I had to sit with the moron quartet," she grumbled, but Val had no sympathy.

On the contrary, her eyes lit up immediately, forgetting Gavin completely. "You sat with the Marauders? Are you and James dating now?"

 _Oh for-_ Lily breathed deeply, trying to fight the urge to snap at her friend.

Valerie Baker was a very slender girl with pale skin, huge blue eyes and silky blonde hair. The white clothes she often wore gave her a surprising resemblance to an angel. But sometimes, her naivety could be a huge pain in the arse.

"For the last time, I'm not interested in Potter," she finally pressed between gritted teeth, almost managing to keep the annoyance out of her voice. Eager to change the subject, she asked, "Where's Miranda?"

Val looked surprised. "Wasn't she with you? She left an hour ago to find Sirius."

"Really?" Lily frowned. "No, she didn't show up...can't imagine how she missed us, with the noise those idiots where making." She glanced across the slowly moving students once more, but by now there was a line forming behind them and they were forced to board a carriage. Miranda would just have to find them in the Great Hall.

But when they sat down at the house table there still wasn't any sign of her friend, until Lily finally spotted her entering behind Potter and the others. She felt a pang as she watched her best friend sit with the Marauders, at the far end of the table, without even looking at her. She didn't begrudge her friend's happiness, of course – even though she couldn't help but wonder where the happiness came into play when dating a twat like Black – but she had expected her friend to at least say hello.

Instead, Julia Peters was suddenly next to herLily, her friend Amelia Stone close behind. They were the remaining members of their dormitory, although Lily had never managed to warm to either of them. Especially Julia, who was the unofficial president of the James-Potter-fan-club. Which, as it turned out, was the reason she was here.

"I heard you sat with Potter on the train. So you finally decided to give him a chance?" Heavily made-up eyes scrutinized Lily coldly.

She blinked back, feeling anger rise in her. "Don't see how that's any of your business," she snapped. _And why is everybody making such a huge deal of this? Don't they have own lives to worry about?_

Julia's eyes narrowed. "Just wondering," she said, pursing her lips, "Seeing as you usually make such a bit deal of avoiding him. Doesn't look very convincing, I must say."

 _That bitch._

Lily forced her voice to stay level. "Don't worry, you're very welcome to Potter," she said, smiling falsely, "That is, if he actually wanted to go out with you." She back to Val, ravelling in the sullen silence behind her.

"I don't think that was a good idea," her friend muttered, casting nervous glances over Lily's shoulder. She was never one for conflict, always avoiding it – often to her own disadvantage. "Julia's very good at spreading mean things about people."

Lily shrugged. "So what. She's been doing that to me ever since Potter started asking me out. Not much left that she can spread, is there?"

The remainder of the feast was more pleasant. The food was glorious as always, Hagrid grinned down at them, and the new teacher for Defence Against the Dark Arts, Professor Stokes, looked a great deal more capable than the rather ancient wizard they had been faced with last year and whose hearing had been so bad it made communication practically impossible.

After, Lily escorted the first years to their dormitories, so it wasn't until after she finally got the chance to speak to her friend. Val was just heading for the shower when Lily entered the dormitory, but Miranda was sitting on her bed, back turned to Lily, wearing the same hairband she had since their second year.

"Miri!" Lily called, rushing over to her friend, "It's so great to-" She stopped abruptly, lowering her arms. Miranda had jumped to her feet at Lily's appearance, but instead of rushing to hug her she took a few steps backwards, not meeting her eyes. Lily stared at her, confused. "Is...is everything alright?"

Miranda didn't answer, fixating the floor. "Hey Lily," she finally mumbled, still not looking at her.

Lily frowned. "Is it Black? If he's pulled some sort of stupid shit on you, I'll-"

But she didn't get any further. "This isn't about Sirius! Would you stop going on about them? Just because you keep hanging out with that Snivellus of yours..."

Lily flinched at the harsh tone. Miranda had never spoken to her like that. "I'm sorry," she muttered. "I just thought-"

Her friend interrupted her once more. "Yeah, you _thought_ ," she snapped. "As if. You don't think one bit. Have you actually opened a newspaper recently?"

Lily was utterly lost now. "Uhm...I don't really know what you're talking about, Miri. Could you maybe explain what this is about?" Miranda merely snorted, and Lily was shocked to see tears glisten in her eyes. "Miri! What's wrong?"

She tried to put an arm around her friend, but the other girl pushed her away. "Leave me, Lily!" There was something akin to revulsion in her voice now, making Lily stumble backwards. What was going on?

Miranda took a deep breath, obviously trying to calm herself. When she finally did speak, her voice was so quiet Lily could barely make out the words. "My aunt's dead," she said tonelessly, staring at the floor. "Death Eaters killed her."

Lily gasped, horrified, unable to think of what to say. "Oh, Miri! I'm so sorry!"

But her friend didn't even appear to hear her. "She married a muggle." She looked up, and suddenly Lily understood.

"Oh," she made, mechanically taking a step backwards.

 _Mudblood._

Sev's words from last year rang in her head again, and all the implications it brought. Miranda was afraid. Afraid to be seen with Lily. To be known as a friend of mudbloods. "I understand," she said, mouth completely dry.

"Lily, I'm sorry, I-" Miranda started, before falling silent, obviously not knowing what else to say. Lily turned around without really realizing she did so. "I'm just worried about my family," Miranda quietly finished, but Lily had already left.

* * *

"And don't get eaten by those monstrosities, you hear me?" The eagle owl looked at him with contempt, and James laughed. "Alright. Don't _you_ eat _them,_ " he corrected himself, stroking the soft feathers.

His parents had bought the bird for him as a replacement for the owl Hades had eaten. Furious, James had chosen the biggest, meanest owl in the whole shop. Even Hades wouldn't come near the eagle owl, who was almost bigger than him and had significantly longer talons.

With a last kiss on the feathery head he extended his arm, sending Catbane into the night. It was a rather ridiculous name, he had to admit, but back then he _had_ been very upset.

Supressing a yawn he let his gaze wander over the grounds below. It was tiring, having to come up here after the long train ride and the feast just to send a letter to his parents, but after receiving a howler from his mother in his third year for not writing soon enough, he was not taking any chances anymore.

He was just about to turn away and get some much-needed sleep when suddenly he saw movement in the courtyard below. He narrowed his eyes, peering into the darkness. Hagrid, maybe? The figure seemed too small. A student, then? Whoever it was, they didn't appear to be in a hurry. Curious, James reached into his pocket to extract the map, but before he could even unfold it the figure below passed a window, the light briefly illuminating them. James felt his jaw drop.

What on earth was Evans doing outside at this time? Lily Evans, perfect prefect, who had never broken a rule in her life?

He thought quickly. Curfew was in five minutes, and he hadn't taken the invisibility cloak with him. He shrugged, forming a decision. So what if he got caught. Gryffindor didn't even have any points yet that he could lose, and detention was something he was used to, after all.

Briefly checking the map to make sure the way was clear he packed his things and raced off. Evans had quite a big head start, and even using all the shortcuts and secret passageways he couldn't make her out in the darkness anymore when he finally stepped through the portal.

Cursing, he pulled out the map once more, studying it. It took him a while to find her, and when he did he frowned. She was already halfway around the Lake, on the opposite shore at the edge of the Forest. Not a place where students were supposed to go. What in Merlin's name was Evans doing?

Realizing he would never catch her on foot, he hesitated. It would be dangerous...but a look back at the castle told him that he was out of sight, and so he decided to risk it. Without further thought he transformed, galloping off into the night.

He headed for the Forest instead of going towards the Lake directly. Part of it was to make sure Evans wouldn't see him approach, but really it was the stag's instinct, making him head for the natural shelter of the trees. He enjoyed being back. There had been excursions to the forest next to the Potter home during the summer of course, but this was something else. Hogwarts was his territory, his home. Or at least that of the stag.

Reaching the trees he slowed down and turned left. He raised his head, cautiously sniffing the air. There it was, the unmistakable scent of Evans. Falling into an easy trot he continued, close to the forest's edge but making certain to remain hidden. Soon, he could see the Lake glittering between the trees, and he slowed down further. Evans' scent was stronger now, and very close. The stag pricked up his ears, attentively peering through the trees, and heard...sobbing? Evans was crying?

He paused, feeling confused. But his curiosity won over, and after a short pause he cautiously moved forward again, more careful now. After a few steps he could make out a sunken figure sitting under a tree. There were tears rolling down her cheeks, and her body was trembling.

James winced, unsure what to do. Then, he realized Evans was talking to herself, and he craned his neck, trying to make out the words. Craning a little bit too far.

His hoof met a dry branch, snapping it with a loud crack. Before he could react Evans was on her feet, yanking up her wand.

" _Lumos_ "

And then James felt, literally, like a deer caught in the headlights.

* * *

 **Those pesky cliffhangers... don't worry; the next chapter will be up in a couple of days.** **(Don't get too used to the quick rate, though, I'll slow down once the story is a bit more established)**

 **So what did you think? Will James get into terrible trouble or will he manage to get himself out of it?**


	4. Agony Stag

**Turns out translating stuff takes quite a while, even if it's your own writing!**

 **alix33: To be fair to Mrs Potter, you probably don't have a history of hexing people and getting into detention every other day... I'm glad you liked the owl. I wasn't sure about the name, as I originally wrote it in German were putting two words together to form a new one is perfectly normal, while I'm not sure if Catbane doesn't sound too strange.**

* * *

 **Agony Stag**

Tears were streaming down her face as Lily ran across the short grass. She knew that it was probably past curfew by now, but she simply didn't care.

 _Just worried about my family._

Was that what she was? A danger to the people around her? Someone to be avoided so you didn't get yourself or your family killed?

She wasn't stupid, of course. She knew how things looked outside of the protected world of Hogwarts, how dark things were getting. People like her were getting threatened every day, there were disappearances, murders... But it was something else to know about a threat and to have your own _friend_ turn away from you because they feared you. To hear Miranda say those words...Miranda, who'd been her best friend since she'd stepped into Hogwarts that first day.

They'd argued, of course, and there had been times when Lily had wanted to throttle her friend. But they had stuck together when it mattered nevertheless. Lily had been there to comfort her friend when Asa Tyke from Ravenclaw had stood her up in third year to go out with Brenda Coleman instead, and then later had hexed the stupid git. Miranda had supported her firmly in her belief that Potter and his friends were insufferable prats – well, up until recently, anyway – and graciously tolerated Severus' presents, even though she disliked him just as much as almost everybody else. And then, after the terrible incident at the Lake last year, she had comforted Lily without so much as an _I told you so_.

Because they were best friends.

 _Looks like that doesn't mean as much as you thought it did._

Feeling fury rise in her, she quickened her pace, barely noticing that she was already far around the Lake.

She just wanted to get away from it all, from the people who looked at her as if she was some sort of leper...Did Val think the same way? She had seemed friendly enough earlier, but what if she had just been too scared to break it to Lily herself and preferred to let Miranda do the talking?

Misery welled up in her, stifling her anger. She slowed down, finally sinking down again a large Willow with an exhausted sob.

 _First Sev, then her..._

In the space of less than a year she'd managed to lose both her best friends. Both of them to Voldemort, one way or the other.

More tears welled up, and she didn't bother to wipe them away anymore as sobs shook her body.

"It's not fair," she cried miserably, feeling lonely and abandoned like she never had before. "It's not bloody fair."

She froze. She felt a prickle on her back, and not from the cold. It was almost as if someone was watching her – _crack._

Not thinking Lily jumped up, wand in hand.

" _Lumos!_ "

She paused. She blinked. The stag blinked, too. For a few seconds they merely stared at each other, both frozen in place.

Then the tension left her, and she breathed a relieved laugh.

 _A stag. A harmless stag._

It had reddish brown fur which was slightly more tufty on the top of its head, large brown ears and huge antlers. And, strangely, didn't move away, even when Lily lowered her wand.

Would it attack her for invading his territory? It didn't look very aggressive. Maybe it was a tame stag? Hagrid had all sorts of creatures in this forest, why not a stag?

"Uhm...Hi?"

The stag made no move to run, merely blinking again and twitching its ears.

 _Maybe it wants food?_

Slowly, not wanting to startle it – those antlers did look awfully sharp – Lily bent down and plucked a handful of grass. The brown eyes followed her curiously, the animal still completely still.

Feeling rather ridiculous Lily extended her arm, holding out the tuft of grass. Did stags even eat grass?

Apparently they did, because with a cautious twitch of its nose the stag finally moved forward, its head slowly lowering until Lily felt its soft lips scrapping over the palm of her hand, gently lapping up the offering. It chewed, swallowed, and blinked at her again.

"Uhm..." Lily made again, wondering what on Earth she was doing. "I'm Lily."

Large brown eyes staring at her. She shifted uncomfortably on her feet, before finally relenting and picking up another handful of grass and handing it to the stag. Again, it stretched its long neck to eat from her hand. She wondered why it didn't just bend down itself, when it clearly liked the grass.

 _Maybe it wants to be fed by hand._

Despite her misery, that thought made her grin. "You're rather spoilt, aren't you?" she asked, deciding that she liked the stag. Despite the strangeness of the situation, it was good to have company. Even if it was just a stag, who was now bleating softly as if to demand more food.

She grinned again, quickly bending down to pick more grass. "And greedy," she added. "Just like Mi-" She stopped short, as reality caught up with her again. Her arm lowered. "Just like Miranda," she finished quietly, feeling tears rise once more. She hadn't thought she had any left.

"Sorry," she said, turning away to wipe her eyes.

Suddenly she felt something wet on her hand, and let out a surprised little shriek. But it was only the stag, who was now curiously lapping at the salty moisture on her skin. It tickled, and when she instinctively retreated she couldn't help but chuckle at the disappointed look on the animal's face.

Quickly she wiped more tears off her cheek and offered her hand to him. "Go ahead," she smiled sadly, "I have plenty." She sat down against the tree again, too tired to be more than a little surprised when the stag carefully settled down next to her and started to ruminate, chewing calmly as if this was an everyday occurrence to him.

She shook her head, eying the animal. "You're very strange, you know that?" she said after a while, just to have something to do, "Where does Hagrid find beasts like you?"

The stag paused in his chewing and looked over. For a moment he simply stared at her then he gave another low bleat, as if to say _beast yourself_. Lily chuckled again.

And then, as if a valve had been opened, everything just came tumbling out of her mouth.

Miranda, who was afraid to be seen with her, Severus, who had joined those who wanted to kill her, and finally her parents, who might yet get sucked into all the darkness spilling over into their lives from the wizarding world.

At some point she felt her anger and desperation disappear. The stag's steady breathing was strangely soothing, and then and again it would give a sympathetic little snort, as if trying to comfort her. At least that was what Lily told herself.

Finally, there were no words left. "Thank you for listening," Lily mumbled, supressing a yawn. "But I think it's time for me to head back. Maybe Hagrid will feed you if he's still up."

She rose to her feet, and after a short hesitation carefully patted the stag's head. The tufty fur felt wonderfully soft under her fingers. At her touch, the animal flinched, and for a moment Lily thought she would end up skewered by his antlers after all, but in the end it merely hummed at her and gently prodded her belly with its muzzle.

Lily smiled. "Goodbye stag," she said sleepily, before finally turning away trudging back towards the castle. When she turned around one last time at the other end of the Lake she thought she could still make out its large silhouette, standing motionless between the trees.

Shaking her head, she continued back towards the school. There were centaurs and Merlin knew what else in the Forbidden Forest. So why not Agony Stags?

* * *

James stared after the retreating figure, completely dazed. What in Merlin's name had just happened? Why hadn't he run away? Instead, he had let her _feed_ him?

When Evans had vanished behind the heavy portal he transformed back, slowly sliding down the tree and sitting down heavily where Evans hat sat just moments ago. "Bloody hell," he muttered, running a hand through his hair – the hair that Evans had petted just – _no. For the sake of your sanity, do not think about that._

He banished the thought of her warm, soft hand, focusing on the problem at hand. What now? She had obviously not suspected a thing, thinking he was just some random animal. The Marauder's secret was safe, despite his incredible stupidity. But aside from that... he'd never heard Evans talk that much, let alone so openly. It was as if a whole new layer of her personality had been revealed, so much deeper, so much more private...

 _To which she has a right._

Yes, there was definitely guilt about eavesdropping on her like this, invading her privacy. There was also sadness about Evans feeling so miserable and alone.

But mostly he felt happy. Happy, because Evans had actually confided in him, sharing with him her sorrow. Granted, she hadn't actually known it was him, but did that really matter? What mattered was that he had been able to help her, in whatever small way.

It was this happiness that frightened him most. Of course he'd known he liked Evans for quite some time now. She was pretty and clever and brave and she fascinated him. He wanted her to be his girlfriend. Of course there had been other girls – most of whom Sirius had pushed him towards – but none of them had lasted long, or really meant much to him. Lily, James had always known, was special.

But it wasn't until now that he realized just _how_ special she was exactly. That he wanted her to be happy. He didn't want her to be happy _with him_ , he just wanted her to be happy, period. He closed his eyes, letting his head fall back against the rough bark. "Well, fuck."

He was, undoubtedly and utterly hopelessly, in love with Lily Evans.

..-

"Prongs! What took you? Did you write them a whole novel?"

Despite the clock showing that midnight was long past, Sirius was still sitting in one of the sofas in front of the fireplace, his arm around Miranda. They had obviously been engaged in a rather heated snogging session, but when James stepped through the portrait hole he separated his face from hers to look up. There was lipstick smudged around his mouth.

James made a face. "Just walking around," he shrugged, looking around. "Have you seen Moony?" Despite it being rather late, there were surprisingly many students still up. Evans was not among them.

Sirius shrugged as well. "Think he went to bed," he said, rolling his eyes at something so utterly boring. "Fancy a stroll to the Slytherins? Overheard their password, and upstairs I found that bag of stink bombs left over from last year."

Miranda looked rather hurt at being passed over like that, but James felt no sympathy. He could still see Evans' crying face. For a moment, he actually considered taking Sirius up on his offer, just so he could show that bitch what abandonment felt like, but he decided against that. He'd figure out what to do about Miranda later; for now, he had bigger problems. And it wasn't like Sirius usually needed help breaking his girlfriend's hearts.

"Maybe some other time. Think I'll turn in as well."

He had barely turned away when the sound of kissing resumed – actually, it sounded more like slurping – and he hurried up the stairs, rather put off. Both Peter and Remus were asleep when he entered the dormitory, and he hesitated. But then he saw Evans' face again, felt her hand...

"Moony! Moony, wake up!"

Impatiently, he started shaking his friend, glad for once about Peter's tendency to sleep through anything quieter than a dragon invasion. Remus stirred, grumbled once, and turned away from him. " _Moony_!" James hissed, so loudly that even Peter twitched in his sleep, and poking Remus' side with his wand.

Finally, the werewolf opened his eyes. For a moment, he looked around disorientated, before his eyes found James. He groaned. "I'm not gonna go throw stink bombs at the Slytherins with you and Padfoot. Let me sleep." He tried to turn away again, but James poked him again, this time in his cheek.

"This isn't about stink bombs. It's about Evans."

Remus groaned even harder. "Can't you whine about her tomorrow?" He didn't appear to have much hope of that, as his eyes remained open for now, looking at least marginally more awake.

"No," James said stubbornly, before pausing, and continued, more quietly now: "I...I love her, Moony."

As he slowly sank down onto the bed he saw Remus' frown, before his eyes widened. Finally, he spoke. "Okay... I'm guessing this is something different from the whole _love of my live_ obsession? You _actually... love_ her?"

James nodded unhappily, glad for once about Remus' uncanny ability to figure out people's emotions just by looking at them.

"So what now?"

James sighed, wishing he could tell Remus about the encounter down at the Lake. But that was impossible, of course. Remus would kill him for risking their secret, Evans would kill him for spilling her innermost feelings – actually, she'd probably kill him anyway if she ever found out about who that stag really was.

"I need your help," he finally sighed, very much aware of how desperate he sounded. But then, he did feel pretty desperate. "She hates me. And I don't know how to change it, I don't know...I have no idea how to act around her."

Remus frowned. "And why are you asking me that now? You've been trying for years."

"Well, I haven't had much success, have I? I thought she'd realize sooner or later that I'm better than the rest of them, that those Slytherins are dicks not worth her time, and that it's her own loss for turning me down. But now..." He ran his hand through his hair, feeling desperate and confused. "I love her, Moony. And I don't care what my Dad says; there's no way I'll ever find someone else who means that much to me. So, please...What am I doing wrong?"

He could practically see the wheels in Remus' head turning. "Why are you asking me?" the werewolf finally ask, looking at James imploringly.

James frowned. "Who else should I ask? She hates Padfoot almost as much as me, and Wormtail..." he snorted. "And besides, you always got along with her well, didn't you?"

Remus shrugged. "Dunno. In the past, maybe, but nowadays... My record as prefect didn't exactly win me any favours with her."

James felt his hopes fall. Was this his fate? Running after Evans forever, forever being turned down while her hate for him grew ever more? Remus didn't miss the defeat in his eyes and sighed.

"Come on, don't just give up. You'll just have to act more...grown up around her. The way you're going about right now, showing off, hexing people... that might have worked in third year – not on her, mind you – but not now. So stop being an arrogant toerag and just act normal!"

James frowned. Arrogant toerag? "I'm not-" James started, indignantly, but Remus' stern gaze silenced him. To be fair, he _had_ hexed a lot of people without provocation. And yes, he did quite enjoy the admiring looks from the other students. But why not? He was intelligent, got top grades when he wanted to, he was Quidditch captain, good looking...alright, maybe he was a _tiny_ bit arrogant.

He sighed. "Well, what else am I supposed to win her over with? She hates my character."

Remus rolled his eyes. "She doesn't even _know_ you. She only knows the toerag, and that's not who you are – most of the time, anyway. Just...forget about all that crap and imagine you're meeting her for the first time again. Start over. And maybe don't be such a prick this time."

James nodded slowly, and Remus laid back in bed, pulled the covers up over him and quite obviously thought this conversation over. Slowly, James rose to his feet and walked over to his own bed. As he changed into his pyjamas, he thought about what Remus had said.

 _Start over._

He smiled, feeling hope rise in. Maybe that really was the best way to go.

* * *

 **I think we could all do with a Remus to sort out our personal problems sometimes...**


	5. Beginnings and Setbacks

**New chapter!**

 **Book Obsessed3816: :D I'm sure James will be very grateful for those cookies. He'll probably need them...**

 **alix33: They should be hazel, yes. That was an error on my part, I just put brown/hazel down as the same colour. Good point about the Agony Werewolf XD**

* * *

 **Beginnings and Setbacks**

Her alarm clock rang, but Lily ignored it. She didn't feel like breakfast, least of all facing Miranda. So she kept her eyes shut and lay in her bed, listening to the morning routine of her room-mates. At one point Val opened the curtains to ask if she wanted to come for breakfast, but Lily faked sleep and after a few more minutes the dormitory finally fell silent.

She stayed in bed a while longer, thinking back to the break with Miranda the night before, and the strange stag in the forest. Maybe she could ask Hagrid about it. In the end she did get up, remembering that she would still have to get her timetable from Professor McGonagall before class started.

As expected, the Great Hall was almost empty when she arrived, with the exception of a couple of older students who apparently had a free period. Her insides filled with ice when she saw Miranda sitting with Black and Lupin, and she quickly walked over to Professor McGonagall, ignoring her rumbling stomach.

"Ah, Miss Evans," her head of house greeted her, giving her one of her rare smiles, "I am delighted to have you back in my class this year." With that, she tapped a piece of parchment and handed it to Lily. Watching the lines form her schedule, Lily felt her mood lift when she saw that potions would be the first lesson today. Deciding to forgo breakfast – and the company that would come with it – she headed towards the dungeons.

She was actually slightly late when she finally entered the classroom, as Professor Slughorn was already writing down today's assignment on the blackboard. But instead of reprimanding her he smiled broadly, looking almost relieved. "Miss Evans! Wonderful to see you again, I had already feared you had abandoned us." He winked at her and Lily felt herself blush, quickly making for an empty chair.

But before she had gone far Slughorn had already continued his instructions. "Now, this potion is quite complicated and lengthy, so I will ask you to work in teams of two."

She sighed, looking around. Only a few other students had chosen to take Newt level potions. There were two Ravenclaws, three Slytherins (Severus among them), a Hufflepuff, Julia Peters, and –

" _Potter_?"

"Hey Evans," he greeted her cheerfully, smiling broadly.

She stared at the black-haired teenager who had suddenly appeared in front of her. Had he gotten lost? Potter and his friends had melted half a dozen cauldrons in the last month before OWLs alone. How had he even managed to pass his exam?

"Wanna work with me?"

Lily stared at him incredulously, before snorting. "Not in a million years." She turned around, looking for other potential partners, and felt her stomach sink. The only people left were Severus and Julia. There was no way the other Gryffindor would want to work with her, and Severus... She closed her eyes. No. Not him.

"Alright, fine. I'll work with you," she grumbled, turning back around, trying to resist the urge to hex off the stupid grin that was now appearing on his face. "Don't you dare mess this up, Potter," she warned him, not wanting him to get any wrong ideas.

But he simply nodded. "Don't worry, I'll do my best," he assured her politely.

Lily rolled her eyes. Was this his new idea? Play the hard working student so he could win her over? Or was he just waiting for the right moment to explode her cauldron? Feeling any joy about her favourite subject desert her, Lily opened her book, determined to simply ignore Potter.

After half an hour, however, she had to admit that Potter wasn't even that bad. He didn't have the same intuition as Severus did, but he was quite obviously trying his hardest, and hadn't even made one rude comment. And he was definitely more helpful than Miranda, who had been disgusted by every other ingredient.

After a while she felt her high spirits return, especially when she realized that she and Potter were the most successful team by far. Severus and Julia, who had been forced to work together by default, weren't talking to each other at all, and had both started their separate potions.

Lily couldn't quite supress the smile at that. Which, annoyingly, Potter caught. "Wouldn't have thought you were one for gloating, Evans."

She spun around to snap at him, but before she could do so she saw the smile on his face. It was warm and open, not his usual arrogant smirk, and there was no mockery in his eyes. Blushing, she lowered her head. "I was only gloating a little bit," she muttered, causing Potter to chuckle.

She felt her skin prickle. Had she actually just shared a joke with Potter? _Potter_? She had to be even more tired than previously thought. Or maybe it was the hunger – as if called, her stomach rumbled again.

Beside her, Potter looked up from the newt tail he was cutting, raising an eyebrow. "Merlin! You should eat more for breakfast, Evans," he commented, shaking his head.

Lily felt herself blush again. _What is wrong with me_? "Missed it," she mumbled, not looking up.

Potter merely nodded, already concentrating on his newts again. "Yeah, I was rather tired as well this morning."

Lily's head shot up, alarmed. Did he know about her walk on the grounds last night? Had he followed her? Was he planning to tell on her? Blackmail her?

But Potter was already continuing. "Padfoot snores dreadfully. Takes a while to get used to it again."

Lily laughed. Too loud. Too forced. She blushed. Potter didn't appear to notice, however, and Lily forced herself to calm down, hating that she couldn't control herself better.

 _Either you stop breaking the rules or you learn how to deal with it._

She continued to cut her root in silence, and for the rest of the lessons both of them were quiet, working in concentration. Slughorn had been right, the potion really was rather tricky, yet when the bell rang Lily felt quite confident as she put the vial with their result on his desk.

She couldn't help but feel relieved that it was over. It wasn't that the lesson hadn't been fun – on the contrary, she had missed potions terribly, and Potter had behaved infinitely better than expected. But she just wasn't sure what to make of this new act, and it confused and unsettled her to no end.

He didn't try to talk to her as they were gathering their things, but when Lily turned to leave he stopped her. "Hold on, Evans!" he called, hurrying after her. Lily stopped in the door, suspicious. Was this where he was going to ask her for a date? If so, she could at least be sure he wasn't sick.

But Potter merely extended his arm and held out a handful of chocolate frogs to her. "So you'll make it to lunch." He smiled at her, almost nervously. Lily stared. Alright, Potter definitely _was_ sick.

"Errm...thanks," she muttered, and took the chocolate. It went against every instinct to take anything from Potter, was she really was quite hungry, and there was still History of Magic to get through.

Potter merely shrugged. "No problem." With that, he walked past her and out onto the corridor, not even looking back.

For a moment Lily simply stared at the spot where he had stood, completely dumbfounded. Then she noticed Julia and Severus. Both were still standing next to their cauldrons, and both were staring at her with the same intense loathing. She couldn't help but grin slightly maliciously. Come to think of it, she mused as she left the room as well, those two were almost made for each other...

While she was walking to History of Magic, Lily tried every screening spell she could think of, yet there was no trace of love potions or other enchantment on the chocolate frogs. She still didn't trust this new Potter, but in the end hunger won out over caution and she stuffed them into her mouth.

As expected, the classroom was almost empty. There were only two other students there, a Slytherin and a Hufflepuff. The latter had blonde hair and looked vaguely familiar, even though she couldn't remember his name. Maybe Val had dated him once? That didn't exactly narrow it down...

"Hey Evans," he greeted her, surprisingly cheerful, and scooted over for her to sit down next to him. Lily hesitated but then walked over to him. "Hey," she made, hoping he didn't realize that she had no idea what his name was. Apparently he did.

"I'm Bill Cornfoot," he said, still smiling, and held out his hand. "But you can call me Billy."

Instinctively Lily returned the smile. "Lily." Right, Cornfoot. One of the few boys that Val had broken up with herself, even though Lily didn't remember the reason.

"I'm really glad to see you," the Hufflepuff was already continuing. "I was afraid I'd be on my own in here."

Lily laughed. "Me too." After a short pause, she added, curiously, "Why did you take it? I always thought I was the only one who enjoyed Binns' lessons."

Billy shrugged. "It's not that bad. And honestly, my OWLs weren't good enough for me to be picky." He grinned sheepishly, and Lily felt herself smiling again.

At that moment Professor Binns came floating into the room, and immediately started his lecture. Lily wondered if he'd also have held the lesson if there hadn't been any student at all. Her guess was yes.

For the rest of the lesson Billy was quiet, and Lily was so focused on listening to Binns that she almost forgot he was there. Only when they were packing their things after the bell rang she was reminded of his presence. "Is it true that you and Potter aren't dating after all?"

Lily almost dropped her book. "What?" Then she remembered the strange conversation with Emily in the train. Apparently the Ravenclaws weren't the only ones buying that stupid rumour. "Yes," she said angrily, making Billy flinch. Feeling guilty, she clarified more calmly: "I'm not going out with Potter, and I'm not planning to."

"Oh," Billy said, and to Lily's surprise he started smiling. "That's good."

Lily stopped her efforts to stuff her notes into her bag. "What?"

For a moment, Billy stared down at the table, as if gathering his courage. "Do you want to go to Hogsmeade with me next week?"

Lily paused, not expecting that in the slightest. "Oh...I..." Her mind was racing. What should she do? She didn't even know Billy, really, hadn't even known his name until an hour ago. But then again, he seemed nice, and it had been a while since she had been on a date. It was just a Hogsmeade visit, after all. "Yeah, sure," she answered, rather surprised by her own words.

The Hufflepuff beamed at her. "Great! I'll pick you up in the Entrance Hall at eleven, okay?"

Lily nodded, still not sure she had made the right decision. But when she noticed the curious glances following them as they walked to lunch together, chatting, she realized that going out with Billy had one definite advantage: The rumours about her and Potter would finally stop.

When they had reached the Great Hall she said goodbye to Billy and walked over to Val. Miranda was sitting with the Marauders, thankfully, so her good mood was unimpeded as she sat down next to her friend. Val stared at her with big eyes. "Since when are you friends with Cornfoot?"

Lily shrugged. "He's in History of Magic with me." Then, after a short hesitation, she added: "And he's asked me to go to Hogsmeade with him."

Val's eyes grew even bigger, and for a short moment Lily feared they might actually pop out of her head. "And you said yes? Oh, Lily, that's fantastic!" She threw her arms around Lily so suddenly that Lily almost spilled her pumpkin juice. "Do you know what you'll wear yet?" She paused, face growing even brighter. "Gavin asked me, too. We can go together. A double date Lily! Wouldn't that be great?"

Lily sighed, nodding in defeat. It was rather obvious that she wouldn't get anything intelligent out of her friend for the remainder of lunch.

She didn't notice the gloomy look from Potter a few places further.

* * *

"Dammit!" Angrily, James kicked his trunk, howling when pain shot through his foot. As he was grumpily rubbing his aching toe he imagined that it was Cornfoot's face that he had smashed against his trunk. It only helped a little.

"Errm...James?" He spun around to find Remus staring at him with a worried look on his face. "Are you alright?"

James rolled his eyes. "Yeah, sure. Everything's peachy," he snarled sarcastically. "Except for the fact that the love of my life goes out with the first twat who asks her just when I start acting nice towards her. Thanks for the advice, Moony. Really worked out well."

Remus sighed, sitting down on his bed. "I think you're taking this far too seriously," he began, ignoring James' furious look. "It's just one Hogsmeade date. I mean, the two of them barely know each other. I don't think anything will come of it."

James stared at his friend, aghast. How could he be so damn calm about this? "And what if it does? If she realized she's totally into him, and they get together, and..." He felt sick, and his voice broke. "I should have asked her after potions," he muttered finally, sitting down in defeat. "That way she'd be going out with me now."

Remus rolled his eyes. "Yeah, sure. That's totally how this works," he commented dryly. "Really, Prongs, you don't know much about girls do you?"

James raised his head indignantly. "Oi! I've got more experience than you do!"

Remus ignored that. "Just...don't do anything stupid, alright? If you start asking her out again she'll never believe that you changed. Just...stick in there. Keep on being nice, don't push her, and just wait for her to trust you on her own. You can't expect her to change her view of you in a couple of days. You'll have to be patient."

James didn't answer. Deep down he knew Remus was right. It was true, the werewolf had never actually been on a date himself, but that was rather down to his fear of letting anyone close to him. When it came down to it, Remus knew a lot more about dealing with girls than the rest of them.

And yet... "And what if you're wrong and she and Cornfoot really do hit it off?"

Remus shrugged. "Then you fight for her. But not now. Not while she still thinks you the enemy." He rose to his feet. "Now get a grip, or we'll be late for Transfiguration."

James nodded, slowly standing up. Remus was right. It was just one date. One tiny date. He sighed. _This week is gonna be hell._

As they were leaving the dormitory, Remus turned around once more. "This is not gonna be a regular thing though, is it?" he asked, slightly worried. "Because I've still got Wormy and Padfoot's love life to take care of."


	6. The Owlery

**Morning! (or whatever time it is where you are)**

 **Book Obsessed3816: I do, too. But don't worry, he'll find someone eventually. :)**

 **alix33: I think she might, although it was often mentioned in canon how she always saw the best in people, so I felt it justified that she might be a little bit more trusting than one would expect. And don't worry about friends for her, she's going to find a new one pretty soon... ;)**

* * *

 **The Owlery**

The first week didn't go as badly as Lily had expected. The break with Miranda was painful, of course, and she felt especially lonely during the classes, most of which she didn't share with Val. Lily gathered that Miranda had not made the reason for the end of their friendship public, as the other students seemed to think their fight had been about Sirius, with Lily not accepting her friend dating him. At first it made her angry to be perceived as such a shallow friend, but as the days went on she stopped caring altogether. Who gave a rat's arse what people were gossiping about – and really, this was still better than them thinking she and Potter were secretly dating.

Apart from the lingering pain, however, she got on better than expected. The downright ridiculous mountain of homework that was piled on the sixth years was distraction enough, and outside of the lessons she still had Val, who grew ever more excited about the impending double date.

Lily had also formed a tentative friendship with Emily Grapes, the small Ravenclaw prefect whom she had met on the train. She had met her on Tuesday morning in front of the Great Hall, after having woken up much earlier than usual. Lily hadn't expected anybody else to be up this early, and was rather surprised to hear someone call her name.

"Lily! Lily, wait up!" She turned to find Emily rushing towards her, her robes billowing behind her. "Wanna have breakfast with me?" The Ravenclaw asked, slightly out of breath, when she finally came to a halt beside Lily.

She hesitated, slightly confused by the younger girl's excitement. "Erm...aren't we supposed to eat at our house tables?"

Emily merely shrugged. "This early, no one cares. Come on."

After a short hesitation Lily followed her, still not sure what to make of her directness. As it turned out, however, the Ravenclaw had been right. The Great Hall was almost completely empty, with the exception of two tiny Hufflepuffs who didn't even appear to notice them as they were hunched over some book. The staff table was also empty, with the exception of Professor Binns, who for some indiscernible reason insisted on appearing for breakfast every morning.

As if it was the most normal thing in the world, Emily dragged her over to the Gryffindor table and sat down. "How was your summer?" she asked, pouring cornflakes into a bowl.

Lily didn't answer immediately, still rather dumbfounded. Had Emily decided that they were now friends? Apparently she had.

"I went to Norfolk," Emily continued, obviously not in the slightest bit put out by Lily's silence. "It was fun, but I really had to watch my tongue with all the muggles – I grew up with them, too," she added.

Lily nodded quickly. Once she had gotten used to the straightforwardness, she decided she didn't mind having Emily as her friend at all. "I didn't do much. Spent time with my family, mostly," she said, wincing at how lame it sounded.

But Emily didn't seem to notice. "Do you play Quidditch?"

Lily blinked. Did this girl always changed topics so quickly? "Err...no," she finally managed. "I'm not a great fan of flying, actually."

Emily sighed. "Shame. I wanted to make the team this year, so I have to practice."

"Oh," Lily said, "Afraid I can't help you with that...which position do you play?" She didn't really care about the sport, but she also didn't want the conversation to die. It was surprisingly pleasant to just chat like that, despite Emily's confusing abruptness.

"Beater," Emily said, her eyes shining enthusiastically. She gave Lily a contemplative look. "Hm...Suppose I could still use you as target practice..." She stopped and broke into loud laughter at Lily's horrified expression. "I was joking! I'll use some first years for that, obviously."

Lily laughed, albeit rather weakly. That last part had been a joke as well, right?

Before she could make sure they were interrupted by Professor McGonagall tapping a piece of parchment on Lily's shoulder. "This is the list of students who signed up for extra tutoring, Miss Evans."

Lily quickly sat up. "Thank you, Professor."

But the witch had already turned towards Emily. "I do not recall having you in my house, Miss Grapes," she said in a tone that would have left most students in a pile of ash on the floor.

Not Emily. "Don't worry, Professor, I'm not planning to stay," she said brightly, smiling at the transfiguration teacher. "Just wanted to see what the view was like."

Lily took a sharp breath, choking on her tea. But McGonagall merely narrowed her eyes at the Ravenclaw. "As long as you make sure to find your way back," she said coldly before wandering off.

Lily stared at her new friend, not quite believing what had happened. She wasn't the only one.

"Wow" A voice behind them said, "Did you actually just talk off Professor McGonagall?" It was Black, who had stopped next to them with an impression of deep admiration on his face. He turned around to the boy next to him. "Moony, why isn't she in our house?"

Lupin seemed surprised as well, but recovered quickly and shrugged at his friend. "Probably because unlike you, she knows the difference between Mars and Jupiter."

Black ignored him, sitting down opposite them. "I'm Sirius Black," he said, holding his hand out to Emily."

Lily rolled her eyes at his obviously faked smile, but Emily didn't seem to mind. "Emily Grapes," she answered, grinning, "but I obviously know who you are. Everybody does, don't they?"

Lupin groaned as he sat down next to Black. "Did you have to say that? His ego is big enough as it is. Morning, Evans."

"Morning," Lily mumbled, eying the four new arrivals with disdain. So much for a pleasant chat.

Yet despite the annoying fact that Emily got along splendidly with the Marauders, Lily enjoyed their blossoming friendship. The Ravenclaw was downright enthusiastic upon hearing that Lily was tutoring the Gryffindors in need of extra help, and immediately joined them. At first, Lily was hesitant to welcome her – the extra tutoring was separated by houses, after all – but when Emily told her that the Ravenclaw tutor was an idiot named Beech, with whom Lily had clashed in Ancient Runes on several occasions, her qualms vanished.

All in all, Lily was far too busy to mourn her friendship with Miranda for long. So busy in fact that she completely forgot to write to her parents.

"Shit!" She exclaimed on Friday night when she finally remembered, jumping from her armchair so suddenly Val gave a little shriek next to her.

"Merlin, Lily," she gasped, sitting back up and trying to extract her shocked cat's claws from her legs, a painful grimace on her face.

"Sorry," Lily mumbled, retrieving the book she had dropped. "Just realized I still haven't written to my parents. Be right back." She hurriedly stuffed parchment, quill and ink into her bag and left. Dammit. They'd be furious. What should she write?

 _I had too much homework? I got distracted by a stag?_

Muttering curses she raced up the stairs leading to the owlery, pushed open the door, and – stopped.

"Evans!" Potter turned around with a surprised smile on his face, and Lily saw the enormous owl perched on his arm. "In a hurry, are you?" He grinned, running the free hand through his hair.

Lily finally overcame her shock. "Potter," she said curtly, reluctantly stepping through the door.

The whole week he'd been acting just as strangely as on Monday in potions. Reserved, friendly to the point of ridicule, and completely un-Potter-like. Lily couldn't help but suspect he was planning something, and not knowing what it was unsettled her to no end. If he would just ask her for a date she could snap at him and forget the matter. But this... what did he want?

Noticing his questioning glance she quickly pushed her suspicions away. "Just writing a letter to my parents," she muttered, lowering her head as she walked over to the window still and pulled out her parchment.

 _Dear Mum and Dad,_

She started to write, and, after a short hesitation, adding: _dear Petunia_

 _I'm really sorry I'm only writing know, it just slipped my mind. We have a lot more homework now, and the week has been rather exhausting._

She paused. In writing it sounded even more pathetic than in her head. She tried to concentrate but failed, annoyingly aware of Potter looking at her. She turned around impatiently. "Don't you have something better to do, Potter?" she snapped, making Potter flinch. With a sinking feeling she realized he hadn't actually been staring at her. She blushed.

"Err...I just wanted to spend time with my owl?" he asked cautiously, looking rather confused by her sudden outburst. "The owlery's a public place, isn't it?"

Lily merely snorted, turning back to her letter, her face burning with shame. Merlin this was embarrassing. She hastily finished her letter, not caring how meagre it sounded, and quickly folded it, determined to get away from Potter as fast as possible.

As she was trying to locate a barn owl she was doing her best to ignore the boy next to her. Why was it that she was suddenly so nervous around him? She'd never had a problem dealing with him before, and now he wasn't even talking to her.

When she was still standing there with the letter in her hand two minutes later, Potter cautiously cleared his throat. "Err... do you need help?"

Lily spun around angrily, but narrowly managed to swallow the short-tempered response already on her tongue. For a short moment she closed her eyes, breathing deeply. _It's just Potter._

"I'm...I'm looking for a barn owl," she finally admitted.

Potter laughed, sounding surprised. "Why's that? They're not actually the fastest, you know, despite what people say."

Lily felt herself blush. "I know. It's just... my Dad really likes owls and he wanted a barn owl," she muttered, keeping her eyes to the ground. Potter must think her family a complete bunch of morons.

But he simply chuckled, not sounding condescending at all. "Ah," he simply made, nodding thoughtfully. "Suppose it's rather interesting for muggles. I mean, I only know the other side of it, from Sirius, but I'm guessing it's rather similar. You should hear him go on about motorbikes."

For a moment Lily paused in surprise, and Potter seemed to realize who it was he was talking to, for the grin quickly slipped form his face, replaced by a trace of pink. "Sorry," he muttered, quickly turning away.

"Up there," he said after a few minutes of embarrassed silence, pointing towards a smallish barn owl sitting about ten feet above them. Lily cursed under her breath. How in Merlin's name was she supposed to get it down here?

But Potter surprised her again. "Here," he said, handing her a fistful of owl treats. "Try these. I'd offer to help you, but Catbane gets awfully jealous." He carefully stroked the feathers of his eagle owl, who was watching the owl treats vanish out of his reach with a distinctly disapproving look.

"Thanks," Lily mumbled, before pausing. "Catbane?" she repeated incredulously, surveying the bird with raised eyebrows. What sort of name was that?

Potter grinned sheepishly, staring at his feet. "A couple of years back my Mum's cat ate my owl. I got him as a replacement," he explained, looking back up at her and shrugging. "And I wanted to make it very clear it would not happen again."

Lily couldn't help but chuckle, despite her sympathy for the deceased owl. But looking at Catbane and his enormous talons she was rather certain that Mrs Potter's cat was probably regretting the murder by now.

"Do you have any pets?" Potter suddenly asked, while Lily was struggling to coax the barn owl down from her seat.

Lily shrugged, far too busy with her quest to realize that it was _James Potter_ she was chatting to. "Nah. I always wanted to have a cat, but my Dad's allergic, and my sister would never sleep in the same house with an owl. And I could hardly leave them at Hogwarts during the summer."

"Oh,"Potter made, actually sounding sympathetic. "Sorry to hear that... Sure you don't want me to help you? You'd just have to hold Catbane for a second."

Lily lowered her hand, abandoning her desperate attempts. That owl was dreadfully stubborn. She surveyed Potter's eagle owl, rather doubtfully. It was larger than a cat and its orange eyes looked at her so sharply she quickly averted her gaze. And dear Godric those claws...

Noticing her hesitation, Potter chuckled. "Don't worry, he doesn't bite. At least as long as he doesn't feel ignored. Just give him a few treats and tickle him behind the ears and he'll be fine."

Lily still wasn't convinced, but she knew there was no way she'd get the barn owl down on her own. Slowly, she extended her arm, wishing her heart wouldn't beat quite so loudly. Potter probably thought her a total wuss...

Gingerly, Potter brought his arm next to hers and coaxed the owl into climbing across. Lily couldn't prevent a yelp of pain as the sharp claws dug into her sleeves, wishing she'd worn her robes over her jumper. "Merlin he's heavy," she muttered, struggling to keep her arm level under the enormous weight.

Potter grinned. "Just be glad it's a he. Females are much heavier."

Lily looked up in surprise, momentarily forgetting the monster on her arm. "How come you know so much about owls?" She asked, watching in fascination as Potter turned his attention to the barn owl. For some indiscernible reason the beast actually paused in the cleaning of its feathers to look down at him.

There was an angry clatter at her ear, and, remembering Potter's warnings about jealousy, she quickly held out a few owl treats. _Please don't eat me._

"My uncle had an owl farm," Potter answered absentmindedly, still focusing on the bird above him, "I often helped out when I was small." Finally, the barn owl relented, flapping down towards him. "Gotcha," he grinned, grabbing the owl which tried to reach the owl treats, protesting with a indignant squeak against its sudden imprisonment.

Quickly, Lily held out the letter which Potter skilfully fastened on the owl leg before sending it out of the window. The bird was barely out of the window when Catbane, cawing loudly, fluttered back to his owner, so suddenly it made Lily squeak.

But Potter merely smiled, gently stroking the owl's feathers who was clattering his beak from his place on Potter's shoulders, clearly very affronted. "Such a big bird, and you still sulk like a toddler," Potter grinned softly, shaking his head. He carefully lifted the owl from his shoulder and put him on one of the bars. "I'll be back tomorrow, alright? Don't be such a grumpyface." He held out a treat which Catbane took before pinching Potter's finger and flying off towards a higher place.

Only now Potter seemed to remember Lily, who had watched the exchanged, unable to keep a grin off her face. He blushed slightly, but Lily only smiled, rather amazed. She'd never have thought an oaf such as Potter was capable of so much affection.

Could she actually have been wrong about him?

...-

James felt his heartbeat accelerate at the sight of her smile. He'd actually managed to talk to her without it ending in her shouting, rushing off or hexing him. A chat, nonetheless, which she could've broken off at any time, unlike during lessons or meals. Lily Evans had spent time with him _without_ being forced to. (To be fair, she needed to send that letter, but if she really hated his presence she could've just chosen a more cooperative owl, couldn't she?)

He watched in silence as she was packing her back. Should he ask her? Now? _Evans, will you go out with me?_ So often he'd spoken those words, and so often he'd been disappointed. But now it was different, wasn't it? All week he'd done his utmost, had been friendly and restrained, had even tried to get Sirius to stop making his idiotic comments. And it had worked, hadn't it? After all, she was now smiling at him (his heart gave a small leap at that), and now they were walking down the stairs side by side...

James froze. They were leaving the owlery. This was his chance, he had to hurry... but before he could say anything, Remus' words came back into his mind.

 _You can't expect her to change her view of you in a couple of days. You'll have to be patient._

 _If you start asking her out again she'll never believe that you changed._

He closed his mouth silently. Remus was right. Just walking down the stairs next to each other was a huge success in itself. He sighed quietly, looking for a different topic of conversation.

Almost on their own accord, his mind wandered towards what he had heard on the first night of school. To Lily's best friend, who didn't want to have anything to do with her anymore because her parents were muggles. The memory alone was enough to make his stomach clench in anger. He'd been more than surprised to hear the "official" version of their friendship's end, even more so when he realized that even Sirius had no clue about the true reasons. Apparently Miranda had been too cowardly to admit her prejudices even towards her boyfriend.

 _I wonder how that bitch ended up in Gryffindor._

Did Lily keep quiet on purpose? Was she ashamed of the truth? The idea that she might still be crying because of Miranda was hard to accept. James hesitated to speak of it, but he thought that it might help her. After all, no-one but him knew the truth. He took a deep breath, gathering his courage, and slowly said: "So what's the actual reason for you and Brown fighting?"

Out of the corner of his eye he saw her stiffen. "Why do you care?" she asked after a short hesitation, suspicion lacing her voice.

James could almost physically feel her green eyes piercing him. He paused. _Careful now._ "Well... Padfoot told me you and Brown were fighting because of him, that you didn't want them dating. But I kinda find that hard to believe. The two of them got together in June; if you had a problem with it you'd have said so back then."

Lily stayed silence. He could see her mouth open but she closed it again without saying anything. For a while they walked in silence, while James tried to figure out how to proceed. When the silence dragged on, he decided to be a little more daring.

"Is it because of her aunt?"

Lily stopped dead in her tracks. Her eyes were unreadable as she slowly turned around. "How do you know about that?"

James flinched, wondering if he had pushed too far. He quickly shrugged, trying to cover up his mistake. "It was in the Prophet. My Mum told me about it. And of course Sirius did, too." He was relieved to see the suspicion flee Lily's eyes. Feeling a little bolder, he cautiously continued: "And I was thinking... well, she was murdered for marrying a muggle. And I don't want to think badly of Miranda – " _hell yes I do_ "- but it does seem a little odd for her to fight with you at this exact point, with you being...well, muggleborn." He stopped, barely daring to peek over to see how his words were received.

To his utter shock, he found tears gleaming in her green eyes. "Lily-"

Since when was he calling her Lily in his mind? And why was he calling her that out loud?

He held out an arm in a helpless gesture to console her but she moved away from him, gaze firmly fixed on the ground. She opened her mouth to say something but only managed a choked sob.

James balled his fists.

 _Surprise! You have to look surprised!_

"She actually did that?" he finally managed, sounding more angry than incredulous but hoping that Lily wouldn't notice through her tears. "She doesn't want to be your friend anymore because you're muggleborn?" There was another sob, and tears started running freely down Lily's cheeks.

Without even thinking about what he was doing, James stepped forward and pulled her into his arms. She stiffened at his touch only for a moment, and after a short hesitation he could feel her bury her face in his robes, crying harder. James awkwardly patted her back, unsure what to do. This wasn't what he had imagined their first hug to be like at all.

Because despite the fireworks going off inside his body at her touch, and despite the wonderfully flowery scent of her hair that was making coherent thought rather difficult, he felt nothing but sadness and anger. Hating the fact that somebody could hurt Lily like this.

"Shallow cow," he muttered, holding Lily and stroking her hair for lack of ideas of what else to do. "Hey," he murmured after a while when the sobbing had eased somewhat. "It'll be alright, okay? You don't need Brown. It doesn't matter who your parents are. And if anybody else thinks it does, you can just hex them. I'll be glad to help, in case you want to start with Brown."

At that Lily actually laughed – or rather, the sobbing sounded a little bit like laughter – and James sighed in relief. He carefully disentangled himself from her and looked at her, his hands still on her shoulders. Her eyes were red-rimmed and swollen, and her usually pale face was blotchy and tear-stained. But despite this she had never seemed more beautiful to him than now, when he was finally close to her.

"Everything okay again?" he asked cautiously, trying to smile reassuringly.

Lily gave a short nod, taking a deep, calming breath. "Yes," she answered, her voice only trembling a little. Then, quite suddenly, she lowered her eyes, face going even redder. Apparently she had only just noticed who it was who was comforting her.

James quickly lowered his arms and stepped backwards, watching her worriedly. Now that the tears had stopped there was nothing but embarrassment on her face. James knew that he had to say something unless he wanted that embarrassment to change into anger. "I'm not gonna tell anybody if you don't want me to."

Lily shrugged, still trembling a little. "I don't care," she said stiffly, still not looking at him.

James flinched. Had he scared her off? Would she evade him now because he had seen her cry?

"I'm sorry," he burst out after a few moments of awkward silence. "I didn't mean to upset you." It was true. He'd only brought up the whole Miranda thing because he had thought it might make her feel better to talk about it. Obviously, he'd been wrong.

But Lily merely shook her head. "It's not your fault," she muttered, tiredly running her hands over her face. "Think I'll go to bed now." With that, she turned around, leaving James to stare after her.

He hesitated. It was evident she didn't want to talk to him, but he couldn't just leave her like this. "Li-Evans!" He called, breaking into a run to catch up with her. "Wait up!" Lily didn't stop, but she at least tolerated him walking next to her. "I-" He fell silent, suddenly at loss of what to say.

They walked silently until they reached the Gryffindor tower, but before Lily could step to the portrait hole he finally found his courage, gently grabbing her arm to hold her back. Again, the words seemed to flee his mind. "If...If you want to talk, I'll be there," he finally managed, painfully aware of how pathetic he sounded. Lily merely nodded, vanishing into the common room without another word.

James sighed, slowly following her. Was this progress? He had absolutely no idea.


	7. Quidditch

**Quidditch**

Slowly, Lily climbed the stair to her dormitory. It wasn't even eleven but she felt utterly drained, physically and mentally. She felt no desire to think about what had happened, but it was practically impossible not to.

She had cried. In front of Potter. And she had let him hug her.

Lily shuddered. Either he now thought her totally pathetic, or he felt encouraged in his quest to date her. She couldn't quite decide which prospect was worse.

Why had he even mentioned Miranda? It wasn't like they were friends. Their talk in the owlery had been the first time they'd been alone in one room without breaking into a fight. So why on earth did he feel justified to poke into her personal matters?

But for once in her life she struggled to be mad at Potter, far too shocked by her own reaction. _Why_ had she started crying? All week she'd been coping just fine with the whole Miranda business, barely sparing a thought for her former friend.

Lily changed into her pyjamas and crawled under the covers, but sleep wouldn't come.

Had she really put the Miranda business behind herself, as she had thought? Or had she simply pushed it to the back of her mind, where it gnawed on her without her noticing? The only person Lily had talked to about it was the stag, and as comforting as his presence had been, he wasn't exactly in a position to comment. And now it had been James Potter of all people to confront her with it again, dragging everything back to the surface.

Lily swallowed hard, but this time the tears didn't come. She'd have been surprised if there had been any left, really.

But try as she might, she couldn't bring herself to be mad at Potter. It had been obvious he'd only been trying to help her. However strange it may sound – and she was fairly sure that if one were to check on hell, one would find it frozen over – James Potter had been nice to her. Somehow, that thought frightened her.

* * *

On Saturday, Lily woke early. She considered maybe reading a little and waiting for Val to rise, but after a few minutes her stomach made its emptiness known, and she slowly stumbled over towards the shower. She had planned the first tutoring sessions for this morning, and decided to use the extra time to fetch some books from the library that might prove useful.

Despite the rather early hour the Gryffindor table was quite crowded already. Almost on their own accord her eyes started searching for Miranda, and to her surprise Lily found her sitting between Julia and Amelie. The surprise turned into downright confusion when she noticed the red-rimmed eyes and puffy cheeks. Miranda had been crying.

Lily felt an uncomfortable suspicion rise in her, and let her gaze travel further across the table. She found them almost immediately.

"What the hell did you say to her?" Lily hissed angrily, ignoring Potter's almost comical little jump as she sat down next to him.

"L-Evans!" he yelped in surprise. Even though he evidently tried to hide it, there was a guilty look on his face.

Lily's eyes narrowed. "If you hexed Miranda-"

"I didn't-!" Potter started, but Lupin interrupted him, evidently intend of saving his friend from Lily's wrath.

"Prongs didn't say a thing to her," he said calmly, leaning across the table from where he sat opposite Potter. "It's just that Padfoot broke up with her last night, and not very gently at that. Not that I blame him after what Prongs told us."

Lily felt herself go rigid. "You _told_ them?" she hissed incredulously.

Potter seemed to visibly shrink under her burning gaze. "Only...only what Miranda did. Not...the other stuff." His voice dropped, but Lily knew what he meant.

 _The fact that I was in your arms, crying._

Despite the mortification she still felt at the memory, relief flooded her. "Okay," she muttered, somewhat sheepishly, and turned to her breakfast. But she couldn't keep from glancing back towards her dorm mates. Tears were slowly dripping into Miranda's musli, but she barely seemed to notice. Lily felt guilt creep up in her, despite everything. "No need for him to break up with her on the spot," she muttered uncomfortably.

Potter snorted. "You don't know Padfoot. _Breaking up_ is putting it nicely. It's been a while since I've seen him this angry."

Lily looked up, surprised. Now that she looked at him, Black did seem rather annoyed, stabbing his eggs as if they had personally insulted him.

"His family's pretty big on the whole blood purity thing," Lupin, noticing her confusion, explained, "And he's not exactly fond of them. He's a bit touchy when it comes to prejudices against muggles and muggle borns."

That surprised Lily even further. She'd never seen Black as anything other than a slightly better looking, slightly more annoying version of Potter, whose only advantage was that he generally left her in peace. Him being so upset by Miranda's behaviour didn't fit into that picture at all.

"Ah," she simply made, hiding her confusion behind a cup of tea.

A few seconds later, Potter rose to his feet. "I need to go, sort out the broomsticks. Are you guys coming later?"

Lily stared after him. "Quidditch Tryouts," Lupin informed her, having followed her gaze. "He's captain, or have you forgotten?"

She rolled her eyes. "Not likely. He's not exactly keeping it secret, is he?"

To her surprise, Lupin laughed at that. "Nice way of putting it. You're welcome to come and watch, actually. It's not as dull as it sounds."

Lily merely laughed. "Not in a million years." Potter might have turned out to be slightly less annoying this year, but that did not mean she'd join his fan club.

Sadly, she appeared to be the only one of this sentiment.

"Nobody?" she muttered incredulously at five past ten, when she was still alone in the classroom. She shot an annoyed look out of the window where she could see the Quidditch pitch, populated by what appeared to the entire Gryffindor house.

Sodding Quidditch. Sodding Potter.

"Maybe you and Potter should've matched your schedule," a thoughtful voice now said, sounding rather amused. Lily turned around to find Emily grinning at her.

 _One out of fifteen. It's something, I guess..._

The Ravenclaw shrugged. "All the better for me. One-on-one lessons!" She laughed. "And you'll get paid no matter how many people show up, don't you?"

Lily had to admit that her friend was right, even thought she wasn't doing this for the money. "Alright, then," she sighed, turning away from the window. "You were having trouble with Charms, right?"

Emily nodded, her own eyes still fixed on the window. "Summoning Charm, yeah. Can't get it to work at all," she answered, looking rather distracted, before adding, "What do you say we take this outside? This weather's not gonna last."

Lily hesitated. Instinct told her that this was not a good idea. But Emily was right, it was a wonderfully golden autumn day, and soon the sun would be replaced by rain and cold. Finally, she nodded. Why should they sit in the castle when everyone else was out enjoying themselves?

Her reservations proved to be well-founded, of course. While Emily was practicing quite enthusiastically with the feather Lily had given her, her eyes kept wandering over to the Quidditch pitch, and somehow they kept getting closer. After half an hour, Lily gave up. "Alright, you win," she sighed. "Let's watch the stupid tryouts."

Emily beamed. "Great! Er...I mean, I'd really like to keep on practicing, but if you insist..."

Lily snorted. "Don't go too far," she warned, even though the annoyance in her voice was mostly for show. It was hard to be mad at someone so inherently cheerful as Emily.

The Ravenclaw grinned sheepishly. "Sorry. It's just, I was hoping to maybe catch a few hints for tomorrow. I have no idea how beaters are picked, and what they expect you to do."

Lily merely nodded, dragging Emily up the stairs towards the topmost seats which were mostly empty. She felt embarrassed at the idea of being seen here, worst of all by Potter or his friends.

Apparently the training had been going on for quite a while, as there was a substantial amount of disappointed looking students with broomsticks in their hands in the lower ranks. Up in the air some sort of training game was going on of which Lily couldn't really make out the aim. She'd never been very interested in Quidditch, and it was beyond her how one could voluntarily get oneself beaten to a pulp by a cannon ball.

Potter was hovering above the other players, occasionally taking notes on a piece of parchment. Lily felt her stomach turn at the sight of it. How could he sit hundreds of feet in the air and not even hold on to his broomstick?

To her surprise she recognized Pettigrew flying next to him, apparently talking to him. Lily hadn't even known the small boy was part of the team. She'd always had the impression that neither Black nor Potter was taking him quite seriously.

In contrast to Lily, Emily seemed to know perfectly well what was going on. "Looks like MacDonald already got her old position back, they're playing without a snitch," she muttered, partially to Lily, partially to herself. "I think he's looking for Chasers now." Lily nodded without really listening, scanning the stands below them for any sign of Black or Lupin. "Shouldn't be too difficult to decide," the Ravenclaw continued, oblivious she wasn't being listened to, "That blonde guy on the Cleansweep is clearly crap, that that big guy's not a bad flier but he never passes the Quaffel." There. Lupin was standing next to the changing rooms, talking to Mary who appeared to be back on the team like Emily had said. Rather unlikely he'd spot Lily from down there. "Pretty sure he'll keep Murphy, not sure about the other one." Finally, Lily made out Black as well, barely visible in the throng of girls clustering around him. She rolled her eyes. Apparently he had gotten over his break up with Miranda rather well.

Satisfied that none of the Marauders would find her Lily leant back in her seat, returning her attention to what was going on up in the air. As it appeared, Potter had made his decision, because after a short command from him the game was interrupted. Lily couldn't quite supress a relieved sigh. Did that mean they could go now?

They could not. As Emily patiently explained they were now testing the Keepers more thoroughly by having them defend against free throws. And after that, they'd go for the Beaters. Lily sighed once more, this time in defeat, wondering whether it would be terribly rude to read a book. It probably was.

Then, after what felt like at least three hours, it was finally over. Grudgingly Lily had to admit that, interspersed with Emily's excited commentary, it hadn't even been that bad. There were a lot of aspects to Quidditch that she had only now grasped, and aside from the ridiculous Bludger business it turned out to be actually quite entertaining.

"Will you watch tomorrow, too?" Emily asked as they were descending the stair, sounding rather hopeful.

Lily hesitated. She had actually planned to get ahead on the enormous mountain of homework that had piled up despite her hard work during the week. But the anxious hope shining in her friend's eyes stopped her. "Sure, I'd love to." The words were out of her mouth before she had to think about them, and Emily beamed.

They were almost the last people leaving the stands, and Lily was thankful for it. Through some miracle she had actually managed not to be seen. It was nightmarish to imagine what Potter would say should he spot her. He'd probably jump to ridiculous conclusions, especially after last night.

 _Couldn't stand to be apart from me, could you Evans?_

Lily supressed a shudder. And stopped dead in her tracks.

"Evans?"

 _Fuck._

* * *

"Good Godric. That's even more than last year." Remus' gaze wandered across the packed Quidditch pitch, looking amazed.

James nodded, frowning. "Half of them didn't even bring brooms," he snorted. Much as he hated to have his try-outs turn into a circus, he could hardly forbid people from watching.

Well, there was nothing to be done about it. He sighed and turned around. "You got the list, Wormtail?"

The smaller boy hastily stepped forwards, holding out a piece of parchment. "Right here. I sorted them by position."

James took it, nodding gratefully. Even though Peter never played himself he was quite helpful in organizing the team. His father was one of the managers of the Tutshill Tornados, and Peter had practically grown up in the world of professional Quidditch. He had an eye for spotting talent, and was usually proven right in his advice.

"Alright," James began, picking up his broom from where it was leaning against the changing rooms. "Moony, you keep an eye on the crowd, will you? McGonagall said if there's another duel on the stands this year she'll take away my badge. Padfoot – there'll probably be girls that'll need consoling for not making the team."

Sirius grinned. "I love these try-outs."

James couldn't help but return the grin. As expected, Sirius' upset over his break-up with Miranda hadn't lasted long, and he was eager to make up for all the missed flirts. Looking at the uncoordinated rabble he would have to direct into something vaguely Quidditch-formed, James almost wished he could join his friend.

As it turned out, the morning was less chaotic than he had feared. Half the applicants could be ruled out after just a few rounds of flying around the pitch, and after having the rest throw simple passes with some Quaffels he could again send off half of them. Finally he could put them in groups and start the first round of actual tests.

Meanwhile, Peter had released a handful of snitches for the Seeker applicants to catch, and as James had expected none of them could come close to his Seeker from the last year, Mary MacDonald. One down. Five to go.

Despite this progress it took him almost two more hours until he finally had his team assembled. Thomas Murphy, a seventh year who'd been on the team for the last three years already, rejoined him as Chaser, together with Alice MacDougal, a fifth year. He was especially pleased with his new Keeper, a third year called Francis Blackwood who had surprisingly quick reactions and managed to block almost all free throws despite is short size.

James was less certain about his Beaters, however. Rupert and Michael Colt were brothers, and while both of them were quite talented, James couldn't help but feel they had competed against each other more than to actually get on the team. But Rupert, the older one, could hit bludgers with incredible strength while Michael had without doubt the best aim of all of the applicants. James could only hope that their rivalry would subside now that they had both made the team.

Peter gave a relieved grunt as they descended towards the grounds. "Merlin. I can't remember when I last sat on a broom for this long. You owe me, Prongs."

James laughed at the painful grimace on his friend's face. "Come on. You're supporting your house to win the cup!" he reminded mock-sternly. "Isn't that thanks enough?" At Peter's raised eyebrows he relented. "Alright, I'll do that Transfiguration essay for you, lazy slob."

Remus was waiting for them on the ground, as was the new team. James thanked them, asked them to copy their timetables for him so he could set up a training plan and sent them off. Lunch had started already, and he was more than alittle hungry.

"Where's Padfoot?" he asked as the three of them were leaving the pitch.

Remus rolled his eyes. "Ran off an hour ago with some blonde. Told me that a 'broken heart' worked surprisingly well to get girls." He shook his head, before adding thoughtfully. "To be honest, I didn't expect him to take this Miranda business so lightly. He seemed to actually mean it this time."

James shrugged. "He did. Pretty sure this is his way of coping. Re-" He stopped dead in his tracks. "Evans?"

James simply stared at the girl now stepping out of the stands, wondering if he was imagining her. Surely she wouldn't be...

Lily blushed violently, and James got the impression that she was trying very hard to apparate away from here. Then Emily stepped out from behind her, a cheerful smile on her face. "Morning, Potter! Nice team you got there. Although to be honest I'd not have made that gibbon a beater."

James frowned, Lily Evans temporarily forgotten as he surveyed the Ravenclaw. Had she been spying on their try-outs? Had Teak put her up to this? But then he remembered that Emily hadn't even made the Ravenclaw team yet. He exchanged a short glance with Peter who merely shrugged, his eyes wandering back towards the castle – and lunch – with definite longing.

"Err...Thanks," James finally said, deciding to forget about possible spying. It wasn't like Emily – or even Teak – being here was against the school rules, anyway. "What are you doing here?"

Emily shrugged. "Nobody showed up for extra lessons 'cos they were all busy admiring your magnificent leadership skills, so I thought I might as well try and get some tips for tomorrow."

Right. The Ravenclaw try-outs would be tomorrow. James couldn't prevent the small pang of disappointment when he realized that Lily had probably been forced to come here by Emily. Managing to keep his face even, he smiled. "In that case, you better talk to Wormtail. He's generally better informed." He pointed towards the smaller boy and, ignoring Emily's rather doubtful look, hastily quickened his pace so he was walking next to Lily.

"I'm sorry about this morning," he muttered when he was certain they were out of earshot of the others, "I know I promised I wouldn't tell anybody. But it just made me so angry, and Sirius would never have forgiven me if I hadn't told him about it. I didn't mean to betray your trust."

Lily didn't look at him, but he could hear her take a deep breath. His heart sank. Was she angry after all? At breakfast she had seemed remarkably relaxed, prompting him to hope that maybe things were still alright between them – or as alright as they had ever been, anyway. But now... He cautiously glanced sideways.

To his surprise he realized Lily had stopped, looking at him with a strange mixture of distrust and confusion.

"Evans?"

His voice broke the spell. Lily sighed, looking almost desperate. "I...I really don't know what you're going for, Potter, but could you please stop? This whole..." She waved her hands vaguely, obviously trying to find the right words, " _niceness_... I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm glad you're not acting like a pubescent warthog anymore. And I'm grateful for your help last night. But that doesn't mean we're friends. Understood?" With that she turned around, quickly marching off towards the castle without so much as a look back.

James stared after her, unable to move. "Not again," a voice suddenly sighed next to him, as Remus came to a halt beside him and followed his eyes. Peter and Emily had already passed them, completely enraptured in a debate on who was currently the best beater in the League. Apparently Peter had managed to convince Emily of his superior knowledge after all.

Remus turned away from Lily and shot James a sympathetic glance. "You'll get there," he said, clapping James' back encouragingly. "After all, she hasn't asked out the Giant Squid yet, has she?"


	8. Normality

**Normality**

On Sunday morning, Lily found herself on the Quidditch pitch for the second time in as many days. After wishing Emily good luck she climbed the stands once more, settling for a spot not quite as high where she would have a better view. Surveying the chaos on the pitch and deciding the actual tryouts probably hadn't started yet she got out her History of Magic book and started to read. She didn't get very far however, before the quiet was brutally shattered by a far too familiar voice.

"Well, Evans, you're turning into quite the Quidditch fanatic aren't you?"

Lily had to suppress a groan as the black haired boy sat down next to her. With hundreds of seats, did he really have to choose the one right next to her?

Potter ignored the less than friendly greeting. "You know," he said, leaning towards her with a smirk, "I'd be happy to teach you about Quidditch. Private lessons, what do you say?"

Grimacing, Lily quickly moved one seat away from him. "No, thank you," she pressed between gritted teeth, her eyes still fixed on her book even though she didn't take in a word of it. "And would you please stop following me?"

Potter laughed. "Hate to disappoint you, darling, but I'm not actually here because of you. Wanted to take a look at Teak's new team."

Only her love for her history book kept Lily from bashing Potter over the head with hit. "Great. Can't you do that somewhere else?"

Potter shrugged, leaning back in his seat with a complacent smirk and spreading his arms on the back rests. "Nah," he said, amusement glinting in his dark eyes as he watched her.

Lily rolled her eyes and moved another two places away from him. At least Potter was back to normal. That's what she had wanted, wasn't it?

For a while, merciful silence hung between them. Then, after about ten minutes: "I really don't want to interrupt your fantasizing about Binns, but aren't you here to see Emily?"

Lily jumped, her eyes flying towards the Quidditch field. _Snap._ They tryouts had indeed started without her noticing. She quickly put down her book and tried to understand what was going on. She failed.

There were much more people in the air than on Saturday, and she couldn't even make out who was playing which position. At some point she spotted Emily, but her friend wasn't even carrying a bat. Little as she understood Quidditch, Lily was relatively sure that beaters needed a bat.

Suddenly Potter was sitting next to her once more. "Want me to explain?" Mischief glinted in his hazel eyes.

Lily pressed her lips together. Emily would be awfully hurt when she realized that her friend hadn't even paid attention. Swallowing her pride, she forced herself to nod. "Yes, please." Struggling to keep her tone polite she tried to murder Potter with stares instead, which sadly failed.

His smirk grew. "Such enthusiasm..." He chuckled before turning back towards the pitch. "They're just warming up now, but using all the balls," he began, "Teak wants to see how they can cope with unexpected bludgers, and if they can manage unfamiliar situations. I tried that too last year, but it's too chaotic. She has no chance of watching everybody. See, that's her signal. Now she'll send off the first batch – the ones that really have no business being on a broom in the first place. Doubt Emily will get kicked out, she flew quite well. And then-"

Much to Lily's surprise, Potter was actually taking his part seriously. There were no suggestive remarks, no lewd glances. His commentary was quiet and alert; he patiently answered her questions, and generally seemed to have banned anything but Quidditch from his mind.

The second Teak's feet touched the ground, however, his grin was back. "So? Reckon you owe me something now? How about a stroll to the Three Broomsticks tonight to thank me for my phenomenal help?"

Lily snorted, getting up without looking at him. "Why don't you take your broomstick instead, Potter?" She quickly stepped past him and made her way down the stands and over to the changing rooms to congratulate Emily, who had actually made the team.

Her annoyance at Potter didn't even last until she had descended the stairs, however. She was far too relieved he was actually acting like himself again. And somehow, she had missed there bickering, hadn't she?

And really, as if a switch had been flicked, things returned to normal. Potter chased after her, Lily rolled her eyes. He made suggestive comments, she snapped at him. He asked her to go out with her and she put him down. They were squabbling during lessons and meals, and even fought in the common room occasionally.

And yet, something had changed. The bitter resentment that she had felt towards him those past years had gone. Of course he still annoyed her to no end, and she wished he'd stop running after her. But the cold arrogance that had made him so repulsive before seemed to have vanished, as if the strangely friendly Potter who had haunted the halls that first week had taken it with him when he had left. The Potter who stayed behind didn't hex people randomly – or rather, Lily didn't catch him doing so – and even his malicious comments towards anybody who got in his way grew sparser.

He was annoying, childish and dreadfully full of himself. And still Lily caught herself grinning at one of his stupid comments once or twice. Somehow, though whichever strange magic, Potter had become bearable.

* * *

" _What!?_ The trip is _tomorrow_! You can't not know what you'll be wearing!"

Lily struggled to supress a sigh. It was Friday night and Val had fully entered date-mode. "I dunno. I'll just figure it out tomorrow morning," she muttered without looking up from her book, hoping against all reason to salvage her peaceful night of reading.

"Lily! You need to think about these things! Come on, Skirt or trousers? Or a dress, maybe?"

Lily frowned, finally raising her head to look at the window, where thick droplets of rain were hammering against the thin glass. It had been stormy all day and the temperatures had plummeted so quickly as if the weather had decided to simply skip autumn and go straight to winter.

Yes. A dress would definitely be the right choice.

"Err...trousers?"

"Which ones?"

"Just...jeans?"

She could almost physically sense Val's disapproval. For a few seconds her friend surveyed her sceptically, and Lily almost expected her to object, but finally Val nodded. "Boring, but okay. You'll just have to bring in some colour with the top. We need something that doesn't clash with your hair – come to think of it, your hair! What're you gonna do with it?"

Lily groaned, shutting her book with a snap. There had never been much hope for reading in the first place.

The rest of the night, Lily spent as Val's personal mannequin. Having quickly ruled that Lily did not possess any date-appropriate tops, her friend had gone over to the contents of her own, far more voluminous wardrobe. Lily had tried to protest at first but quickly recognized the fruitlessness of it and decided to just go with it. After all, it was rather fun to see Val so enthusiastically in her element, and it _had_ been quite a while since Lily had been on a date herself.

 _Billy Cornfoot._

She still wasn't sure if the whole thing was a good idea. Sure, Billy was nice, and she enjoyed having him in History of Magic with her. But that was it, really. Shouldn't there be at least a little bit of excitement? She glanced over to Val who was just doing something indiscernible – and hopefully reversible – to Lily's hair. Her blue eyes were shining so brightly as if someone had cast a _Lumos_ spell on them.

 _Yes. That's what it's supposed to be like._

All Lily felt was slight apprehension at the idea of spending a whole afternoon on her own with Billy. The more thankful she was for Val's double date idea. Val knew what she was doing. Granted, pretty much all of her relationships had ended in disaster, but when it came to first dates the blonde Gryffindor was undeniably an expert.

Almost on their own accord Lily's thoughts wandered over to Potter. All night he had been sitting in front of the fire, staring at it with a thunderous expression, evidently highly disgruntled. Surely he wouldn't do something idiotic?

During the last week he'd visibly stiffened whenever Val or anybody else mentioned the trip to Hogsmeade, and his eyes had always shot over to Lily. She remembered the last autumn, when she had briefly gone out with Isaac Bones. Somehow, during the few short weeks they had been dating, the poor Ravenclaw had ended up in the hospital wing no less than three times. She had never managed to prove it, obviously, but she was relatively certain that it was Potter who was responsible.

But he had changed... Hadn't he?

* * *

On Friday evening, James did not feel particularly cheerful. He was sitting in the common room with Sirius and Peter, barely listening to Sirius' enthusiastic tale about the awesome muggle music he had been introduced to in Muggle studies. Despite his best efforts, James' gaze kept wandering over to where Lily and her friend sat, chatting excitedly about tomorrow's Hogsmeade trip.

The Date.

James still couldn't believe Lily would actually go out with Cornfoot _. Cornfoot!_ The guy was scrawny and pale and his mousy brown her somehow always looked a little dusty. And he wasn't even a good student, quite the contrary actually. James knew of at least three OWL exams the Hufflepuff had failed, Defence and Transfiguration among them. So what in Godric's name did Lily see in him? Was him sitting in History of Magic with her all it took?

In fact, James had berated himself time and time again for making such a joke of his History OWL. He'd _known_ it was Lily's favourite subject. It should've been obvious she'd continue with it. And that the Newt course would be blissfully empty, allowing him lots of time with her. And he had simply passed on this opportunity, all so he could get one over Sirius in their stupid _let's-see-who-can-fail-the-most-subjects-_ contest.

Baker had jumped to her feet now, and proceeded to drag Lily with her towards the dormitories. Probably to make look nice for her date tomorrow. For Cornfoot. James gritted his teeth. Not for the first time this night he considered getting his invisibility cloak and sneaking into the Hufflepuff common room to hex the twat. Something painful, something lasting... which was exactly what Remus had warned him of. What last year's James would have done. The James who Lily hated with all her heart.

So he simply sighed, picking up Remus' discarded Prophet and half-heartedly started to read it.

 _Werewolf attack in South Wales._

 _Family missing in Kent._

 _Spy uncovered in the Department of Magical Law enforcement, sent to Azkaban._

He threw the paper down again, not needing a reminder of how bad things were getting out there. All summer he'd witnessed how anxious his parents were, and more than once he had caught his father talking to old friends from the Auror bureau through the fireplace, or leaving late at night to "go for a drink" with one friend or the other. Even in the letter his mother had sent this week James had sensed the fear, although she never wrote anything explicit.

Without him quite realizing it, his thoughts wandered back to Lily. He knew she was worried about her parents. Was she right to? Maybe his parents could put some protective wards on the Evans' house? He would have to ask Lily, but how? Her hatred for him seemed to have died down, but as she had said herself, they were far from being friends. Would she suspect him of having an ulterior motive? Expecting something in return?

He was already halfway on his way to get ink and parchment to write to his parents when Sirius fell silent, casting a quick glance around them and getting to his feet. "Shall we? It's dark already."

James flinched. Full moon. For a few minutes, he'd actually forgotten about Remus completely, too caught up in his musing about Lily and her family. Well, they would have to wait.

* * *

"Merlin I missed this," Sirius yawned hours later when they were slowly making their way back through the castle. His sleeve was torn and there was a large scratch on his arm but he didn't seem to take notice. James was limping himself, and even Peter, whose tiny animagus form usually kept him out of harm's way when they were struggling to keep Moony under control, was clutching his hand with a rather pained expression.

During the holidays they hadn't been able to join Remus during the full moon, and apparently those "wild" transformations had not made the werewolf any gentler or more peaceful. It had taken them almost an hour to calm him down enough so he wouldn't attack them, and they hadn't dared leaving the Shrieking Shack at all.

"Well, Moony didn't seem to have missed us much, did he?" Peter muttered, pressing his handkerchief more firmly against his hand as blood began to soak through it.

Sirius shrugged. "Nah, that's just his way of showing affection. The deeper the wound, the deeper his love."

"You sound like Hagrid," James commented, before breaking into a huge yawn. It was half past four already. "Dammit. If I want to keep an eye on Evans tomorrow-"

Sirius groaned. "You're kidding, right? What are you, twelve?"

"Hey! What would you do if the love of your life was going on a date with the first bellend who asked her?"

His friend made a vomiting sound and turned away. "Firstly, yuck. Secondly, I'm a man not a girl. I don't do any of that _true love_ -rubbish anyway. And thirdly: I would do whatever Moony told me to. And he might not be capable of speech tonight, but I think I can speak for him when I tell you that covertly spying on her is not part of it." He shook his head, laughing incredulously. "Just think what Evans would say if she caught you...You're true love wouldn't be worth shit. _Lacewing_ – oh, get a grip, lady." He stepped through the portrait hole, shaking his head at the Fat Lady's ranting at being woken up. "You'd have thought she'd gotten used to it by now."

James followed him, barely listening to the – rather tired – lecture about proper student conduct. "I guess you're right."

"Thank you," Sirius grinned smugly, giving a little mock bow before climbing up the stairs to the dormitory.

Before Peter could follow the older boy, James stopped him. "Wormtail, I've got an important mission for you: Follow Evans tomorrow."

Peter stared at him, his tired eyes opening wide in shock. "But Rem-"

"Remus is in the hospital wing. So get your arse to Hogsmeade tomorrow, alright? If you do a good job there's another Transfiguration essay in it for you." Without waiting for the other boy's reply – he didn't need to, really, he knew how desperate Peter's homework situation was – James sprinted after Sirius.

At least this way he'd get to sleep in.


End file.
